The Latest Dumb Revolution... The Side Chick Revolution

Hey all,

It’s been a while I know but you know we always go through this song and dance. I know by now you all don’t judge me for that. I have been honestly avoiding all writings on the computer or even in my journal. Well sometimes I think when I want to blog about stuff will you guys even really care or not.  I don’t know I think it was like my own subconscious protest of not dealing with some things but eh I digress.

Yeah well regardless of that I’m here.  Hope everyone had an AWESOME holiday season and a good new year. If you are reading this congrats you made it to 2014.

Now I want to address something that has utterly irks me.  This "Side Chick Movement."

Let’s jump back in time for a minute. 

Since as long as we can remember there have been mistresses and unfaithful partners. Now I can’t speak back to the days of Marilyn Monroe and how that all played out when she was a mistress but one thing that has irked me beyond belief is that today  (2014)  being a “mistress” or “other woman” is glorified.

Is this a new concept? Well of course not!

HOWEVER, now it’s like the “in” thing and it’s pushed on us as acceptable to be the new age “Side Chick.”

We see celebrities who have been exposed as side chicks who have broken up marriages. Now of course those celebrities have the same excuses as the average side chick they are no different.  They say things like “I couldn't take him if he wasn't ready to go” or “that’s on him not me, not my problem.”  etc, that's crap you are both as wrong as two left shoes!!

I’m sorry what the hell kind of retarded thinking is that?!

Talk about lack of respect for yourself. I guess I would hope you would love yourself enough to know you deserve a whole man not a piece of someone else’s. Why would you even want that for yourself? There are enough single men without you going for one that’s involved.

Now that it has become such a glorified deal Hollywood is cashing in on it with shows like Scandal, Being Mary Jane, where these successful women who seem strong fall super weak in the relationship category by taking the side chick seat to married men. 

Also, music makes it the cool thing to do. Songs about side chicks and faithful ones at that. They demean us and we seem to be OK with that.  Just listen to this song below. This song talks about he takes care of his side chick and his wife knows about her etc.  Side chicks are basically OK with sharing and can be bought. I don't know about you but nothing about this or this song is cute to me.  This isn't the first song about the side chicks they date back and are in all genres. Sugarland has a song called Stay, Shirley Murdock back in the 80's had As We Lay, about a woman who knew she was with someone else's man but she had him for that one night and she was emotional about it.  This is not a new problem but now is no longer seen as a problem but not it's seen as the "cool and acceptable" thing.

Now I know there are some situations that take place where one may not be aware she is a side chick. I’m not referring to that group but I will say this… in some instances YOU ALL KNOW!!! STOP being blind all the signs are there that you are a side piece but you insist that he loves you etc. C’mon WAKE UP!!

Then there are the some women that seek out married men that way they don’t have to be committed and get them to take care of them financially and buy them things etc…. ok *PAUSE*

WHAT THE ENTIRE EFF SERIOUSLY?!

Ladies, are we only worth what someone can buy us? Are we so desperate for love that we will lure another woman’s man into our bed? Is our self-respect so low that we will forego being seen in public, spending holidays etc  because he is married?!

Meanwhile, let me let you in on something men are loving it!! They have jokes for days.  Not all of them but a lot of them are LOVING every minute of it. in this day and age they can have an eager side chick that will sleep with them and in some cases take care of them financially and shower them with gifts but always stay in her place.  On the side quiet as a mouse. Just thinking about it blows me away.  BLOWS ME AWAY.

Then there is the one who has really fallen for the taken man. You are patiently waiting for him to leave his wife or significant other for you. You are all faithful to him, and then get upset when you find out there is another side chick and that he isn't being faithful to you.

WELL DAMN hello he isn't being faithful to his WIFE or Girlfriend.  This is I think one of the worst case of unhealthy delusion.  Well let’s entertain this for a second…he leaves her for you.  Now you cannot tell me that you are secure with him. You know what he is capable of so then you become captain insecurity which isn't healthy at all. Hey just look at Fantasia. There are a few cases that seem to have worked out but that is what we see on the outside, but why even go through all that unnecessarily.

Also, let me address this as well. Is it all our fault and men have no part in it. NOPE, not saying that at all but right now I am only speaking for my own gender. Speaking to my sisters no matter the age, color etc. I know we can do better, I know we can want better, I know we deserve better. 

THE SIDE CHICK REVOLUTION MUST END!!

There are signs that you must pay attention to when you are dating someone that will tell you if they are trying to put you on the side chick team. 

• He hits you with the “I need my time and space”, this leaves the door open to come and go as he pleases.  He will expect you to wait in the wings. If not, you will be dismissed as being to clingy, pushy etc. If this happens, count it as a blessing that you dodged a bullet and move on.

• When you call you get sent to voice mail instantly. This is going to be in a time-frame when you know he is most likely available, not while you know he is working or something of that nature.  You may get an instant follow up text saying “can’t talk now, call you later.” Now do people get busy, of course! This is example is for extreme cases meaning this happens more often than not. Just pay attention.

Here are some other indicators as blogged by  www.seriously-maybe.com:

His phone is usually uncharged, about to die or out of service 
If 90% of the time you call him it goes straight to voicemail, you’re the side chick. This correlates to his phone never ringing. He could be with someone else at the time and can’t pick up the phone to talk to you, so he turns it off. No one carries around a dead phone all the time.

His compliments are focused around physical appearance
If the only nice things he has to say about you is centered around the way you look or your performance, you’re the sexy side chick. This guy is obviously only into you for your body. Most people think that guys are one track minded, so compliments only surrounding sex, make sense. But the truth is that we actually think about other stuff too. So if you say something somewhat intelligent and his reply is, “Your lips are so cute” chances are you’re not the chick that he listens to.

Dates are never last minute
If ALL your dates are planned at least a week in advanced, he has other chicks on his schedule. He probably sets aside a day just for his side chicks. If you’re not already in the books for that day on the current week, he makes you wait until the following week, before he’s “free” again.

Dates are closer to your home/work than his
If you’ve never been out to a place that’s in the vicinity of his job or home, you’re the side chick. He never takes you to those places because he doesn’t want to risk the chance of running into something that may know about his other chick(s). Next time you go out with him, suggest a place near his home and see he what says.

He’s never disappointed angry upset when you cancel on him
If he could care less whether he sees you are not, you’re the side chick. Things come up all the time and you may have to cancel a date with him. If he is too cool about not seeing you, he definitely has someone else to occupy his time.

Masetv.com  blogs a list of traits as well, some of the following which I find to be accurate.

He tells you that he doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day or really do holidays. In some instances this may be true but more often than not, A LIE.

He has absolutely NO pictures of you, or with you, on his Facebook or Instagram page. If someone can go to your social profile and see a variety of pics of you with him, and go to his page and find only his selfies and bro pics, then know for sure that he doesn’t have you listed as his first priority.  Now my caveat to this  one is really only accurate if a person is active on social media some people really are not, however again keep an eye out but don’t be a stalker just pay attention and observe.

There are no dates….you only visit his bedroom and go home. Let me add or he comes and chills at your place.

He only contacts you when he wants something.

@JoannaSimkin on twitter tweets you may be a side chick if he says:

“It’s not that I don’t want people to know about us, I just don’t like my personal business in the streets is all.”

Now after all that if you still are not sure if you are side chick here is another link that may help:

http://brotherswithnogame.com/blog/signs-you-may-just-be-the-side-chick/

Ladies, we are STRONG, we are FIERCE. Let me leave you with a question.

At what point does this stop? Or does it? At what point do we feel we are worth more?

Demand respect!

Yup, that's me

This is just my opinion on the subject and I could on and on but just wanted to let that all out and see what you all think. Feel free to chime in.

Blog ya later!

Adventures on a Dating Site

Hello my lovely readers...you are looking mighty fine!

OK so I thought I would experiment on a pretty well known dating website (which shall remain nameless).  A friend of mine met her beau on the site and suggested I give it a shot.  Well me being the wild rebel I am I thought..."eh what hey."


So the results of this experiment have been a lot things, humorous, weird, interesting oh did I mention humorous.  I am saying all this and you are reading, "like well dang it Toya tell us what happened.  What have you come across?"

Well calm down, I'll get to it but first let me kinda tell you how this thing goes in case you have never been on an online dating site or ever looked at one.  First, you create an account of course and from there you fill out some demographic information along with your basic likes and preferences etc.  You then upload your pictures and include a short bio about yourself.

Once you do all that you have an option of completing a more extensive personality assessment for the site to give you more compatible matches (*I'm snickering right now*).  OK yeah I didn't do the extra hour long assessment..yeah no thanks!

Let's see *cracks knuckles* let me see, where to begin...well once I was all set up. I got a mass amount of emails from various daters who were interested in my profile.  Ok, first of all I wasn't even on the site an hour and I had like 11 emails.

From those interested, I learned a few things...main thing is...THEY DIDN'T READ MY PROFILE. Yes, sorry I was yelling. On my profile I listed my hobbies, things important to me all that jazz along with my demographic information.


Well bachelor #1's first question was "Hey Sexy, you look hella good, how old are you?" umm ok folks (my face is like o_O) ... first that introduction, secondly how old am I? That's like the first thing listed under your username! So guess what he got...I'll tell you...no response, that's what!










Bachelor #2 In my profile I clearly listed I prefer guys within a certain age range. Welp, another NON READER...this guy looked like he was old enough to be my grandfather only Caucasian and looks like he goes Harley Riding with ZZ TOP.  Now while he was polite he clearly didn't read the ages listed in which he clearly was not in the range of.








Bachelor #3 He decides to type to me like this... "hEy BeAuTiFuL hOw iZ u DoIn" ummm yeah no words for that.... I was mad his message gave me a mini damn migraine so I just deleted it and moved on.





Bachelor #4  (Ok please note...this is a true story) He was nice and all but after we exchanged messages back and forth for oh about 4 cycles (him, me, him, me, him) He decided to say and I quote "I love ass, I mean really love it, everything about it the smell the look the taste, I love to eat ass!"
Ummm yeah ok yeah I know close your mouth! I was like that too thinking "WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT" anyways I guess he thought I would be somehow responsive to that.
Well folks...couple issues with that, *ahem* first of all why would you tell me that after like a 2 min conversation.
Secondly, even if I found that out later on...one word, EWWWWWW.  Ol boo boo chip mouth boy.  That would mess up a relationship I'm telling you! How, well everytime you kiss him you think his face has been planted inside someones butt cheeks and eating boo boo chips...that's a big fat fail...NNNNEEEXXXXTTTTTTTT!!!
                                                         

Those are just a few examples oh how I can go on! But I will now go over some common pit falls to avoid when looking around on dating sites.  Here are things to look for...men and women!

• FAKE PICTURES! Beware, they will Photoshop pictures.  Make themselves have abs that are not there. Make themselves thinner than what they are. Make themselves have hair lol

                                                        

• Far away pictures...ok far away pictures most likely mean they don't want you to see something orrrrrrr let's be honest they are less than attractive
• Fake Facades: pictures of people with their prize possessions (car, motorcycles, purses, make up etc)...the pictures of them holding money always cracks me up!

                                                         

• People lie! Just a fact of life. A person will say their build is 'average or athletic build' well when you see a real life pic or them in real life they are one Twinkie away from obesity

                                                                  

• Some will say they are single and they are not.
• Some will say they don't have children and they do.
• They have this fabulous job when in fact they don't have one at all or not one as glorified as they claim.
• People who have photos up from 2002...umm hello it's almost 2013
• One that cracks me up is when they take these picture they swear are sexy but they turn out to be a failure in every since of the word.

Now fear not it's not all bad, but there are a lot of yahoo's to watch out for.  One thing I will say is just take your time. Take it slow and listen and pay attention to  the conversation.  Read between the lines sometimes.

As for me, I have met some nice folks on the site but for one reason or another mainly I think on my part they fall into the friend zone.  I am the first to admit...
                                                         

Hey there don't go judging me.

OOoooooh look at the time...gotta run!

Blog ya later!

                                                               

Another Day at the Gym...

Well as promised here I am again…happy to see me? Well I’m happy you decided to check in on little ol me.  So as I was telling you all I have been back hitting the gym pretty hard I go at least 4 times a week.  Twice I week I go to a gym right next door to my job and two days a week I go to a gym near my home.  The two gyms while similar are different as well in their own regard.  The characteristics that we talked about before are still around…however, now being an avid goer I have noticed other gym characters.

Stinker…ok so we discussed this before the musty and overly funky guys. The ones that probably stank to high hell before they even came into the gym. Well ALAS they have been matched there are WOMEN who smell like grown funky men! NOW I know what you’re thinking what do you expect it’s a gym people are going to be stinky.  OK please know I get that and I understand…I feel you.  I'm sure when I am there I don’t smell like a bed of roses but, PLEASE NOTE and please hear what I’m saying here and feel my pain…there is no way I should be running on the treadmill and you are a row back and two machines over and I can smell your funky tail! C’mon you can’t tell me that isn’t crazy and again THIS IS A WOMAN (true story at the work gym). Even the guys cringe like geez.  I really think she needs to get checked out by her primary care physician. I’m just saying that’s crazy!

Puddle Leaver…

Now if you visit a gym sometimes or on a regular basis you know that it is courteous to wipe down the equipment when you are done.  So if I get done with a weight machines, bike or treadmill etc then I should either

 A) Wipe it down with my towel OR 

B) Use the cleaner the gym has to wipe the equipment off for the next person to use.

Well yeah I guess I come across the ones who were horrible at following directions as a kid…because I get to some machines and the small pools of sweat left behind…yeah not that's not hot! Do you want to hear something really crazy…well at the other gym by work well the same lady stinky is horrible at this! She doesn’t wipe anything off and BAM we know everywhere she has been. Baptized in the funk I tell ya! So when you guys go please wipe the stuff off!

I’m sure you all have seen the Beauty Queen/Poser this would be the one who comes in the gym with full make up on and hair down or all done up. Ok, now if that’s what you choose to do on purpose to come to the gym that’s fine but if you are working out all that crap is going to begin to run all down in your eyes and just have you looking like your melting.

You also have the poser…I just started seeing this recently myself but not really much before….woman all in the mirror at the gym like…

 What are you doing? You're supposed to be working out lol. Ladies, you know what, actually fella’s do it too thus they show up on your Facebook pages except they don’t be in  the mirror posting with duck faces…..

Ladies please stop or not and I can keep laughing! LOL

Ok the let me get off the characteristics for just a second (we will come back to it I promise)…but I have to cover the subject of gym equipment and weight. An important part of gym etiquette at least in my book is when you are done with a weight machine you should take the pin out or remove the weight.  I mean I know I’m bufft and all LOL but yeah when I get on a machine and go to do an exercise odds are I can’t handle the 2,000 lbs you guys left on. That one isn't that big a deal unless you are using a free weight machine then it's rather annoying.

Ok moving on along something else that I see that frankly cracks me up is…is…sorry I was giggling. Ok ok let me get it together…

People, when you are new to the whole workout thing please learn how to properly use the equipment otherwise everyone quietly laughs at you…you won’t see us but we snicker and it comes out typically with just a smile and bless their hearts. They are as serious as a heart attack. I saw a guy on this glute machine that looks like this…

OK  when you get on the machine your stomach/chest should be at the pad and you push back to work your glutes like so….

Well, bless his heart lol this guy decided to put his back on the pad and try to push with his foot facing the other way.  Well he couldn't really do it because it wasn't made to do that, he was sweating up a storm and about to dislocate his knee. I was watching from a chest press machine trying not to bust out laughing.  I gained my composure and just walked over and pointed to the picture on the machine. 

*side note* normally all work out equipment in the gym as a graphic of some sort to show you how to work that particular piece of equipment. 

He then just looked at me and I walked off with music blasting in my ears and headed to another machine.

In the same breath as it relates to using weights in the gym…If you can do like 200 reps of something in like 30 seconds odd it’s too light and you need to add more weight! This guy walks by me grinning like I’m supposed to be impressed (I wasn't thinking about him I was getting my work out on) anyways he goes over to do lat pulls like you see below…

 I swear the weight I used is more than that…and he grabbed the bar and no joke did like turbo reps and warp speed…I’m like that can’t possibly be doing anything geez buddy, I know sometimes you can go lighter weight and more reps but that was such a waste of time. Then he looks back and me and smiles and I just had a look like o_O , I have to be honest I usually see more women doing this then men.

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see here:

…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket. Let me be honest. I laughed out loud at him,  don’t judge me! He looked over at me and I coughed and played it off. 

OK one more funny weight story then we will move on and I will wrap up…I promise…I just missed telling you guys these stories.  So couple days ago this guy hops on the hammer ab machine this machine you sit in and you pull down while pulling your knees up to work your abs (pictured above). Well this machine honestly is a beast, its difficult.  I’ll be the first to admit but ill also be the first to admit that I don’t get on there and throw on 1000 lbs either.  This guy gets on this machine and has too much weight.  By that I mean I am on the leg press machine next to him in between songs I hear him grunting and blowing all hard yet nothing was moving…his face was all red and shaky.  I’m like dude just lighten the friggin weight but he was really straining it was quite hilarious. Sorry but it's true.

                                                                

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that  you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see below…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket.

Ok back to some other gym characters…oh man I could on go and on…but let me tell you about the Clingers.  Ok if you go to the gym and haven’t seen them next time you go you will see at least one I promise. It's like the new thing….to see the incline on the treadmill to aimed to Heaven and watch folks hold on for dear life trying not to fall off. It’s one of the funniest people watching characters at the gym. They are working those calves but most are slumped over clinging to the rails while trying to read a magazine! BWhahahahahahahaha c’mon if this is you stop! You look ridiculous!

Right way:

Wrong Way:

Ok, OK I will wrap it up there folks but as I go to the gym I will have to come home and just shoot you guys a quick blog to give you a laugh. OH wait before  I go….I forgot one…the folks who go to the gym in regular jeans and shirts.  You  think  yeah right no way! I’m telling you they exist and man do they stick out like a sore thumb to see a guy in jeans and a button up lifting weights or on the stationary bike…

it will make you question what you’re seeing.

Well hopefully I haven’t bored you to tears but gave you some things to look for and find humor in when you go to the gym. Blog ya later