Laughter Heals So Here Are 2 Pick Me Up's!

Hey guys sup *head nod up* (see that I'm hardcore & cool)...

Ha ha looks whose back... awwwww ficky ficky yeah twice in a week!


Eh well I said I would be back! So here I am.  Now this will be a not so serious post like the last travesty that I had to address.  At any rate, the last couple weeks I have been exposed to two little gems that I must say have introduced a new level of silly humor into my life! I have been spreading the words to share in the laughter...and so far so good!! So let's get right to it shall we?

The first little gem was introduced to me in a weird late night Voxer message from one of my best buds...Lorraine. She said you have got to read this book!!! It is hilarious!!!!  So of course I asked what is it about, then I asked the name.  Well when Lorraine said the book is called... *waaaaaiiit for it* Emails from An A%#hole ,  oh yeah I was intrigued.  
Inside I thought, yup that has funny all over it BUT wait, with a title like that the title may be the best thing about it.  So, I got the book to check it out and see for myself it was really THAT funny.  

Ok so I read it in like two days, I think I would have read it one expect for the minor asthma attacks of laughter I had and massive pools of tears coming from my eyes!!

OOOHHHHHHH EEEEEMMMMMMM GGEEEEEEEEEE this book was super hilarious! It all started from a website dontevenreply.com.
HA! Now you are intrigued and want to know what the book is about...well here is a brief summary because I totally don't want to ruin it for you.

When John Lindsay launched DontEvenReply.com in June 2009, it became an instant sensation. With 60% of the book featuring entirely new material never before available on the website, Emails from an Asshole offers fans a fresh opportunity to revel in people's gullibility. Posing as a customer or seller, Lindsay responded to a variety of classified ads, making ridiculous offers to unsuspecting victims. Their responses, and the ensuing conversations, will have readers simultaneously laughing non-stop and gasping with disbelief.

Also, John has plenty more stories on his site www.dontevenreply.com which should also listed on the links on my site here. :)  You can get the book at Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, Apple Store and the Android Play Store.  

This gets two thumbs up from me and I think you should buy or download it today! Thanks Lorraine for the recommendation!!! You rock as always!  If you guys read some of his stuff, please let me know how you like it. The very first story in the book is one of my favorites and the Paraplegic Mover.

Alright now that you are ready to make that purchase or visit your nearest torrent site to download let's move on to the next little gem of humor I was introduced to this past weekend. The game is called...wait for it...CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY.  Ever heard of it? HA, yeah me neither until my ol buddy Justin invited me to his lil kick ass birthday soiree, in which the evening began with drinks and Card Against Humanity.

Now show of hands how many your have ever heard of or played this game?

Great well Cards Against Humanity is just like this...NOT!! Ok ok well the game play is the same but the cards...oh buddy are so not PG and  Prude friendly. 

 If you are easily offended then Cards Against Humanity is not for you!

Oh wait let me back up...some people haven't play Apples to Apples either so here is a brief idea of how to play (although there are many variations). In the game you are dealt certain number of cards (usually 7 or 10). On those cards nouns or proper nouns are listed. You then have another stack of cards (green cards in Apples and Black cards in Cards Against Humanity).  Well the players take turns picking from that pile from their they read the sentence on the card and all other players then complete the sentence with the card they thing that person will pick (answers usually are creative, funny appealing to the person who has the sentence card). The person with the sentence card picks the answer they like best and which ever player put it down gets that stack..at the end of the game players with the most cards wins. Ok, that is it in a nutshell minus a few idiosyncrasies.

Well with Card Against Humanity well first of all the box is already offensive because you segregate cards the black cards and the white cards...the answers on those cards OMG hilarious! Some of them are actually normal but then the questions are crazy! You will see how crazy your friends are... 

This game was a straight up winner and a must purchase for adult gatherings!! You can purchase the game at www.CardsAgainstHumanity.com  also if you want to try it out, you can actually download the cards and print them out and play...that seems a little weird playing with slips of paper but eh to each his own!

My rating for Cards Against Humanity...Thanks Justin...buddy you sir are awesome! Anyways my rating is...

But seriously again, make these apart of your week and I guarantee you will crack up laughing and as we all know laughter heals the soul!! We cannot be serious ALL the time these two little gems blessed me with some laughter so I thought I would pass them along to you.  If you play let me know how you like.  I think there is a Card Against Humanity App or similar in the Android Playstore I'm going to try to get some friends to play if they can break away from Ruzzle lol!!

Ok well gotta go but please let me know what you think of these two!

Laters!

Another Day at the Gym...

Well as promised here I am again…happy to see me? Well I’m happy you decided to check in on little ol me.  So as I was telling you all I have been back hitting the gym pretty hard I go at least 4 times a week.  Twice I week I go to a gym right next door to my job and two days a week I go to a gym near my home.  The two gyms while similar are different as well in their own regard.  The characteristics that we talked about before are still around…however, now being an avid goer I have noticed other gym characters.

Stinker…ok so we discussed this before the musty and overly funky guys. The ones that probably stank to high hell before they even came into the gym. Well ALAS they have been matched there are WOMEN who smell like grown funky men! NOW I know what you’re thinking what do you expect it’s a gym people are going to be stinky.  OK please know I get that and I understand…I feel you.  I'm sure when I am there I don’t smell like a bed of roses but, PLEASE NOTE and please hear what I’m saying here and feel my pain…there is no way I should be running on the treadmill and you are a row back and two machines over and I can smell your funky tail! C’mon you can’t tell me that isn’t crazy and again THIS IS A WOMAN (true story at the work gym). Even the guys cringe like geez.  I really think she needs to get checked out by her primary care physician. I’m just saying that’s crazy!

Puddle Leaver…

Now if you visit a gym sometimes or on a regular basis you know that it is courteous to wipe down the equipment when you are done.  So if I get done with a weight machines, bike or treadmill etc then I should either

 A) Wipe it down with my towel OR 

B) Use the cleaner the gym has to wipe the equipment off for the next person to use.

Well yeah I guess I come across the ones who were horrible at following directions as a kid…because I get to some machines and the small pools of sweat left behind…yeah not that's not hot! Do you want to hear something really crazy…well at the other gym by work well the same lady stinky is horrible at this! She doesn’t wipe anything off and BAM we know everywhere she has been. Baptized in the funk I tell ya! So when you guys go please wipe the stuff off!

I’m sure you all have seen the Beauty Queen/Poser this would be the one who comes in the gym with full make up on and hair down or all done up. Ok, now if that’s what you choose to do on purpose to come to the gym that’s fine but if you are working out all that crap is going to begin to run all down in your eyes and just have you looking like your melting.

You also have the poser…I just started seeing this recently myself but not really much before….woman all in the mirror at the gym like…

 What are you doing? You're supposed to be working out lol. Ladies, you know what, actually fella’s do it too thus they show up on your Facebook pages except they don’t be in  the mirror posting with duck faces…..

Ladies please stop or not and I can keep laughing! LOL

Ok the let me get off the characteristics for just a second (we will come back to it I promise)…but I have to cover the subject of gym equipment and weight. An important part of gym etiquette at least in my book is when you are done with a weight machine you should take the pin out or remove the weight.  I mean I know I’m bufft and all LOL but yeah when I get on a machine and go to do an exercise odds are I can’t handle the 2,000 lbs you guys left on. That one isn't that big a deal unless you are using a free weight machine then it's rather annoying.

Ok moving on along something else that I see that frankly cracks me up is…is…sorry I was giggling. Ok ok let me get it together…

People, when you are new to the whole workout thing please learn how to properly use the equipment otherwise everyone quietly laughs at you…you won’t see us but we snicker and it comes out typically with just a smile and bless their hearts. They are as serious as a heart attack. I saw a guy on this glute machine that looks like this…

OK  when you get on the machine your stomach/chest should be at the pad and you push back to work your glutes like so….

Well, bless his heart lol this guy decided to put his back on the pad and try to push with his foot facing the other way.  Well he couldn't really do it because it wasn't made to do that, he was sweating up a storm and about to dislocate his knee. I was watching from a chest press machine trying not to bust out laughing.  I gained my composure and just walked over and pointed to the picture on the machine. 

*side note* normally all work out equipment in the gym as a graphic of some sort to show you how to work that particular piece of equipment. 

He then just looked at me and I walked off with music blasting in my ears and headed to another machine.

In the same breath as it relates to using weights in the gym…If you can do like 200 reps of something in like 30 seconds odd it’s too light and you need to add more weight! This guy walks by me grinning like I’m supposed to be impressed (I wasn't thinking about him I was getting my work out on) anyways he goes over to do lat pulls like you see below…

 I swear the weight I used is more than that…and he grabbed the bar and no joke did like turbo reps and warp speed…I’m like that can’t possibly be doing anything geez buddy, I know sometimes you can go lighter weight and more reps but that was such a waste of time. Then he looks back and me and smiles and I just had a look like o_O , I have to be honest I usually see more women doing this then men.

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see here:

…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket. Let me be honest. I laughed out loud at him,  don’t judge me! He looked over at me and I coughed and played it off. 

OK one more funny weight story then we will move on and I will wrap up…I promise…I just missed telling you guys these stories.  So couple days ago this guy hops on the hammer ab machine this machine you sit in and you pull down while pulling your knees up to work your abs (pictured above). Well this machine honestly is a beast, its difficult.  I’ll be the first to admit but ill also be the first to admit that I don’t get on there and throw on 1000 lbs either.  This guy gets on this machine and has too much weight.  By that I mean I am on the leg press machine next to him in between songs I hear him grunting and blowing all hard yet nothing was moving…his face was all red and shaky.  I’m like dude just lighten the friggin weight but he was really straining it was quite hilarious. Sorry but it's true.

                                                                

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that  you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see below…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket.

Ok back to some other gym characters…oh man I could on go and on…but let me tell you about the Clingers.  Ok if you go to the gym and haven’t seen them next time you go you will see at least one I promise. It's like the new thing….to see the incline on the treadmill to aimed to Heaven and watch folks hold on for dear life trying not to fall off. It’s one of the funniest people watching characters at the gym. They are working those calves but most are slumped over clinging to the rails while trying to read a magazine! BWhahahahahahahaha c’mon if this is you stop! You look ridiculous!

Right way:

Wrong Way:

Ok, OK I will wrap it up there folks but as I go to the gym I will have to come home and just shoot you guys a quick blog to give you a laugh. OH wait before  I go….I forgot one…the folks who go to the gym in regular jeans and shirts.  You  think  yeah right no way! I’m telling you they exist and man do they stick out like a sore thumb to see a guy in jeans and a button up lifting weights or on the stationary bike…

it will make you question what you’re seeing.

Well hopefully I haven’t bored you to tears but gave you some things to look for and find humor in when you go to the gym. Blog ya later

Turkey Day Ettiquette: What type are you?!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone!! 

I hope you all enjoyed the day with family and/or friends! 

I went to my Uncle and Aunts house for thanksgiving dinner and met up with family.  Great! Now with that said, I realized there are several various types Thanksgiving food partakers (for lack of a better word). Here we go...

Hoarder:  Pile on as much as they can as fast and they can and hurry in the kitchen because I’m coming back as soon as I scarf this down

The Food Can’t Touch Eater: This person loves the food but oh boy if two foods touch on their plate they will have a melt down… (If you don’t think this person exist think again I watched the meltdown happen it was the most hilarious thing ever lol)

The Picky Eater: This is the person that walks around slowly peeking under pot tops, lifting aluminum foil, poking at food. The pick eater has to closely survey EVERY thing…then when they do fix their plate they only eat certain things. This person sometimes frowns upon others because they eat something that the Picky Eater does not.

The Dieter: This is the person that comes in and proclaims they are on a diet and they can only eat certain things and only a little of this and a little of that…*please note* by the end of the day this person has morphed into the Hoarder.

Bird Eater: This is the person that that will make a regular plate and for some reason they can never finish it.  You can usually find the Bird Eater with a lot of napkins around where they have chewed food and spit out or you might find their paper/Styrofoam plate face down in the trash as to not to alert anyone they didn’t eat all of their food.

The Mouth Wide Open Eater:  This is the person that could be one of the above however, since all the family is around the table perhaps swapping stories from past this person just has to chime in the only thing is…they have a mouth full of food! #FAIL usually bits of cornbread or some other food comes spewing out as everyone looks on with a blank stare. This person usually thinks the looks of everyone is because of their awesome story but it not on the contrary.

Grab & Go Eater: These are family members or friends that make it his or her own personal mission to see how many thanksgiving dinners they can make it too.  They usually eat a small amount (to leave room for other visits). They pack a plate like a hoarder and next thing you know they have their aluminum foiled wrapped plate, coat on  and they are waving goodbye to everyone while heading to their next target.

Last but not least…

The Desserter:  This is the person that is probably one of the above but will also partake in indulging in a hunkin piece of every desert and gluttonously groan, “mmm’s and ahh’s” while eating.

OK, so what type are you?  Are you willing to admit it :)

My truth:

       You know this time of year for me is a bit bittersweet for me.  When I was younger it was always so exciting… yeah but not so much anymore.  Wait, wait I know what your thinking don’t be like that…and I don’t mean in the horrible, but  the generation or generations before myself used to always make sure the family was gathered and everyone was in attendance.  Well that generation has grown a lot older some have gone to be with the Lord and others just can’t do it anymore.  I must be honest this saddens me.  A lot of my family has moved and we are all scattered.

      Now this is the second Thanksgiving I’ve had since my separation and divorce.  I have to honestly say,   I don’t miss that part  ¯\(ツ)/¯

Hey I’m just being honest…but it was the first holiday I was separated from my daughter…although it was only for 8 hours it seemed like a lifetime.  I did have a good time messing with my uncle and family though.

Ok funny story then I’ll wrap it up… you know I like to ramble. So I listen to the Rickey Smiley Morning Show every morning (its hilarious)…ok anyway Rickey is always mispronouncing words…so the morning crew incorporated a bell.  Anytime someone mispronounces a word they ring the bell.

Well yesterday scratch that my uncle is always mispronouncing words and proudly too (because he just knows he is right). For example…he said,  "I got on my computer and I STROLLED down and the stuff was gone." My facial expression at this point was -à o_O  I then tapped the bell said *ahem* you mean "scroll." The bell got quite a bit of use with him trying to say Bass Pro Shop...kept getting tongue tied! LOL...

Well the end of  my visit was when my uncle decide to tell us the story of how he remembers when he learned to walk! OK OK...

You remember when you were 10 months old and you are 52 yrs old now and don’t remember what you did last week! HILARIOUS!!! I love that guy! Always giving me a laugh!

Ok, Ok well that’s enough of my rambling! Again, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and now I shall clean and shop…hopefully all the crazy people who camped out for Black Friday sales have now gone home and I can just ease in and get what I need J

Be blessed! Blog ya later!

Desserts spelled backwards is...

Well hello!! Long time no see huh? Yeah well I've had a lot to say yet nothing at all so there, take that!! Speaking of which tonight I said hey I really feel like blogging...so I get home, get comfy, grab my snacks, then my A.D.D kicks in.  I started tweeting, sending texts, checking Facebook, play a little Wii and the list goes on everything but blog.  Finally, I sit down crack the ol knuckles and what happens...*blank stare* yup completely blank.

 I spend my days non stop thinking and when its time to regurgitate my thoughts on this screen, I can't.  Hmm that's rich!  So here I am...blank staring the screen while you read me rambling...ha ha time wasted out of your life.  JUST KIDDING!! Well not about the drawing a blank but about you wasting your time, calm down! At any rate, guess I'll enlighten you to what's been going on with me.

Well my mood lately has been a bit how shall we say scatter brained.  You ever have those feelings of having so much going on that you truly have no idea of if you are coming or going?! Yeah well you know what I feel about that feeling...it sucks

What do you do when you stress level is at death-con 5...

What do you do? Grab a glass o wine or just become a professional booze hound?

Well I guess is that works for ya, I won't judge you. Yeah not the route for me...

Hmm well is that not you either? Then who are you the chain smoker?

Again not me...

Are you the person who then just turns into more of a work a holic?

Yeah that one I think used to be me....but I've evolved...I'm going to be totally honest and say with all the stress I do two things turn into...

and

Is this the first time I've been pulled in several directions?

Well.no, of course not but for some reason I can be honest enough to say sometimes we have so much on us that we have a hard time handling it when someone else adds that nice little cherry on top.

Well I know what your thinking ok yeah well...well the point is...

  the stress isn't going away.

BUT we can evaluate and decide what things we can get rid of or change to de-stress some.  I know that sounds corny but hey whatever, it works.  I did just what I said and sat down and thought what is really getting to me...some things I cannot control so, I said OK those things are what they are.  However, within those situations there were things I could just accept and move on, because guess what.  They aren't going to change and we can only control ourselves and our actions.  Then I thought about any extra unnecessary stress and there was some of that as well.  So what did I do...let go or at least made a conscious effort to let it go .  No sense in hanging on, right?! Right!

Life is soooo short and we cannot spend our time just stressed out.  We can be here today and gone tomorrow.  God gave us today as a present thus why we live in the present.  Let's step back put it in perspective and think about who we can be a blessing too. Because think about it...no matter how bad our situation TRUST me there is someone else's situation that is 10x worse!

Once we get out of our own way and let God lead doors will open up that we never knew were even there in all aspects of our lives. Chose to de-stress. choose happiness although Lord knows that isn't always easy! You can do it I know you can! Ok blog ya later! :)

Watch Out Now...Eye Candy Blog...

Well what a rarity this is…another blog from my inbox that I felt compared to share! Just had too! Well I know some of you like eye candy calendars…well I know it’s May and the year is almost half over…but whatever…don’t judge me. I’m helping you out here!! Just thought you guys might want to check out these babes! I sure hope they make one of guys for us ladies! LOL!! This actually cracked me up almost to the point of tears!!

Well without further ado….the Miss TSA Airport 2011 Calendar.

This blog was brought you by the letter "R" for ridiculous LOL!! Thanks EC for the email! Please note if you enjoy my blog hit that "follow" button on the right hand side there...

Blog ya later, probably sooner vs later!