New Age Dating Controversy..Hang Out or Not to Hang Out

Hey there guys! How are ya?! I sure hope everything is going well in your worlds.
You thought it would be another 6 months before I blogged didn't you? AHA well ha ha look at me.  Ok, well enough shooting the breeze just wanted to get some stuff off my chest or at least post about it and open this up for discussion.  I had a discussion with some of my G+ friends regarding the topic I am about to address. This blog is just me getting my thoughts out and maybe gaining some insight from you all, if you actually decide to comment! *hint hint*

Ok so if you have read any of my previous blogs you know about my adventures in dating. Well now, let me take that back it's been around but become more IN MY FACE it's the subject of, wait for iiiiittttttttt...Dating vs. Hanging Out.

Ok now once upon a time I thought the two to be the same thing if you just met the person. 

Well apparently that is no longer the case.  Now guys apparently just want to hang out vs go on a date.  What this usually means in my recent experiences is they...

A) Want you to come "hang out" with them at their place.
B) Want to come "hang out" at your place.
C) Go out but we are dutch and essentially are new "friends" (but they expect "benefits")

Umm well ok.  Now, I get the "go out with someone with no strings attached stance" because well we are getting to know one another, GOT IT. That is perfectly fine and expected! However, I guess my issues are well frankly, "I DON'T KNOW YOU!!"

What makes you think I am just going to come over to your house?! You know how many crazy people there are these days?!... and that goes for you coming to my place too.  Also, what that says is YOU'RE LAZY and maybe even CHEAP (and that's saying a lot coming from penny pinching me) and perhaps are only after one thing and I can tell ya now...AIN'T HAPPENIN!!

Now am I a saint?  NO,  but I do have some standards. After all we just met, right?  Now as far as (C) going out and going dutch...honestly, I have no issues with that.  Because if we "hang out" and there is nothing there I don't feel obligated in the least to when I am done eating or drinking that cup of coffee, I can say thanks for your time and move on along.  There will be no benefits though, let me clarify there will be no benefits regardless. Now with this said my expectations for you would now be pretty low. 

I am by no means a gold digger etc.  However, if  someone asks me out on a date it holds a lot more weight with me. It says to me,  hey I like you I want to get to know you and I have designated this time to spend with you and I have put some effort in to thinking of a time, place and activity for us to do together.  That by no means in my mind means we are about to get serious.  It just says to me, Toya this person thinks you are worth the effort and the interest is real. Versus the lazy invitation to come "chill at their place and watch a movie." Don't get me wrong been there done and ehh learned from it.  That is whack.  I guess I am in a place of now take time and effort and not settle for that laziness at first meetings.

I have been made to feel that my thinking is "old fashioned" and "outdated" one word...Really?! Really?! In fact, is wanting a guy to put forth an effort me being old fashioned and having too high standards? Oh, man!! I'm doomed!! 

Now are there instances where you would hang out (in a group, sporting event etc)? Yes, but I am speaking to that first one on one meeting with that person since that initial meeting and exchange of phone numbers be it in person, online or whatever. I have read several articles and blogs regarding hanging out vs. dating.  Some say it's a matter of terms, other say it's all about how the guy feels about girl. 

So many hidden meanings, so much... crap frankly.  Are guys afraid to go out on a limb and date someone for fear of rejection? Are they just trying to build up a bank of booty calls...I mean what is it?  When I hang out I do so with my friends...but if I hang out in the same fashion with a new guy. Odds are he will think well geez she put no effort forth at all and I was not the center of attention when I was with her, so she must not be interested. Then my response will be wait, what? We are hanging out as friends no expectations right? So you won't mind that I send texts, or answer phones calls etc while we are hanging out right, meet you straight dressed down? Well I mean that is what I do with my friends when we hang out. So which is it? 

What do you guys think? I'm somewhat at a loss here. Is hanging out different than dating? If so, how? If you disagree or have a different understanding of the two please enlighten me. Ok, well I just wanted to get that out and see what you guys think...let me know I'll be interested in reading your comments. 

Is my thinking old fashioned and outdated?

Well talk to you guys later I hope to hear from you guys on this topic...

 

Have a good week :)

Adventures on a Dating Site

Hello my lovely readers...you are looking mighty fine!

OK so I thought I would experiment on a pretty well known dating website (which shall remain nameless).  A friend of mine met her beau on the site and suggested I give it a shot.  Well me being the wild rebel I am I thought..."eh what hey."


So the results of this experiment have been a lot things, humorous, weird, interesting oh did I mention humorous.  I am saying all this and you are reading, "like well dang it Toya tell us what happened.  What have you come across?"

Well calm down, I'll get to it but first let me kinda tell you how this thing goes in case you have never been on an online dating site or ever looked at one.  First, you create an account of course and from there you fill out some demographic information along with your basic likes and preferences etc.  You then upload your pictures and include a short bio about yourself.

Once you do all that you have an option of completing a more extensive personality assessment for the site to give you more compatible matches (*I'm snickering right now*).  OK yeah I didn't do the extra hour long assessment..yeah no thanks!

Let's see *cracks knuckles* let me see, where to begin...well once I was all set up. I got a mass amount of emails from various daters who were interested in my profile.  Ok, first of all I wasn't even on the site an hour and I had like 11 emails.

From those interested, I learned a few things...main thing is...THEY DIDN'T READ MY PROFILE. Yes, sorry I was yelling. On my profile I listed my hobbies, things important to me all that jazz along with my demographic information.


Well bachelor #1's first question was "Hey Sexy, you look hella good, how old are you?" umm ok folks (my face is like o_O) ... first that introduction, secondly how old am I? That's like the first thing listed under your username! So guess what he got...I'll tell you...no response, that's what!










Bachelor #2 In my profile I clearly listed I prefer guys within a certain age range. Welp, another NON READER...this guy looked like he was old enough to be my grandfather only Caucasian and looks like he goes Harley Riding with ZZ TOP.  Now while he was polite he clearly didn't read the ages listed in which he clearly was not in the range of.








Bachelor #3 He decides to type to me like this... "hEy BeAuTiFuL hOw iZ u DoIn" ummm yeah no words for that.... I was mad his message gave me a mini damn migraine so I just deleted it and moved on.





Bachelor #4  (Ok please note...this is a true story) He was nice and all but after we exchanged messages back and forth for oh about 4 cycles (him, me, him, me, him) He decided to say and I quote "I love ass, I mean really love it, everything about it the smell the look the taste, I love to eat ass!"
Ummm yeah ok yeah I know close your mouth! I was like that too thinking "WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT" anyways I guess he thought I would be somehow responsive to that.
Well folks...couple issues with that, *ahem* first of all why would you tell me that after like a 2 min conversation.
Secondly, even if I found that out later on...one word, EWWWWWW.  Ol boo boo chip mouth boy.  That would mess up a relationship I'm telling you! How, well everytime you kiss him you think his face has been planted inside someones butt cheeks and eating boo boo chips...that's a big fat fail...NNNNEEEXXXXTTTTTTTT!!!
                                                         

Those are just a few examples oh how I can go on! But I will now go over some common pit falls to avoid when looking around on dating sites.  Here are things to look for...men and women!

• FAKE PICTURES! Beware, they will Photoshop pictures.  Make themselves have abs that are not there. Make themselves thinner than what they are. Make themselves have hair lol

                                                        

• Far away pictures...ok far away pictures most likely mean they don't want you to see something orrrrrrr let's be honest they are less than attractive
• Fake Facades: pictures of people with their prize possessions (car, motorcycles, purses, make up etc)...the pictures of them holding money always cracks me up!

                                                         

• People lie! Just a fact of life. A person will say their build is 'average or athletic build' well when you see a real life pic or them in real life they are one Twinkie away from obesity

                                                                  

• Some will say they are single and they are not.
• Some will say they don't have children and they do.
• They have this fabulous job when in fact they don't have one at all or not one as glorified as they claim.
• People who have photos up from 2002...umm hello it's almost 2013
• One that cracks me up is when they take these picture they swear are sexy but they turn out to be a failure in every since of the word.

Now fear not it's not all bad, but there are a lot of yahoo's to watch out for.  One thing I will say is just take your time. Take it slow and listen and pay attention to  the conversation.  Read between the lines sometimes.

As for me, I have met some nice folks on the site but for one reason or another mainly I think on my part they fall into the friend zone.  I am the first to admit...
                                                         

Hey there don't go judging me.

OOoooooh look at the time...gotta run!

Blog ya later!

                                                               

I Would Much Rather Rip Out My Toenails Vs. Dating Again...Life After Break Up or Divorce

Weeelllll.. you like many Americans, scratch that like many people in the world have just gotten out of a long term relationship or marriage...

Well, I sympathize with you...it's especially bad when the other party has wronged you in some way...I know.. there,there it sucks, I know trust me but join the club we have t-shirts...

Well the one thing I can suggest is to listen and down load the song "I'll Pray For You" by Jaron and the Long Road home (YouTube It). It is quite theraputic...tee hee trust me. Once you've done that and are actively dealing with your anger then guess what time it is? You guessed it it's time to move on. Let's face it who wants to be alone for the rest of your life unless your like 92 and know your days are numbered. Ok, that was just wrong...moving on...

Ok so now let's tackle some of the idiosyncrasies of dating and hell lets be honest, just finding someone to even go out with...

There, there do not fret or be scared although it is a scary dating scene out there. For some of the following reasons...

A) Because you have just a bunch of horny toads out there, male and female. Let's face it everyone is not out just to get laid. My goodness folks have some morals and self respect.

B) You have some down low criminals out there, when I meet someone I find myself whipping out my smartphone and googling them and then on to watchdog.com to ensure they are not a felon or sex offender. *please note felons need love too, but ehhh not so much mine, again just being honest*

C) They are married hell that may have been how you caught your your ex

D) They have no clue what a job is, can't hold a conversation or lets face it, they are just plain weird but not in a weird normal way, of course lol.

Those are just a few reasons but we will get through this together...from one splitee to another. =). I have been away from the dating since for about 10 years *shut up no smart comments on age.*

I asked a few of my single friends, "Hey how do you do this again?" Of course they laughed. I will go over some of the following ideas they gave me and my experiences with those. You may find it humorous but I'm sure you will be able to identify if you have tried any of these.

The Millenium Dating Tactic: Internet/Online Dating Well I have not experienced the picture to the left but many of you have. I have done some online chatting and to my chagrin been basically a waste of time. Either you get a buttload of horny toads sending you random picture of their penises (oh yeah I really want that disease), or you get just complete and utter strange birds talkin in excessive geek talk. Then when they send you a picture you see why they didn't have one up to begin. Then you either just stop talking to them or or give them one word answers till they get the hint and move on. Again, another reality check we can say beauty is on the inside but we are going to be initally attracted with our eyes.

Next up: Club/Bar Scene:

This age old method has been a total bust because you end up seeing the same ol people getting drunk out of this world. Or if your me you get gawked and followed by the ugliest dude in the place, or the cute dude who just wants to nail you. This is my least favorite of them all, I have to say this phase of my life went out in college. The main reason I hate this scene is because it never fails I end up seeing stuff like this...

*Lord help me my eyes are burning...*

Let's move to less evasive dating tactics...let's face it we are not that desperate...right?..right?! Ok then...

The Grocery Store aka Walmart for me:

We all wish there was that fine as wine man with a great smile just waiting for us on the produce aisle to strike up a conversation. Mine would go *ahem* something like this...

Handsome Man (in my head the Rock) "Oh hey there beautiful! let me get that sack of potatoes for you." Me: "Oh why thank you Mr. Handsome man at the grocery store with no ring on." Then we would laugh and progress from there.

Ok,real world what do we really see at the grocery store or Walmart...

This hot mess right here...fella's please don't come out of the house looking like this...Geez!! So we press on to a couple more avenues before we give up...

Next up: The Gym:

Most of the time, I am at the gym like the guys. Honestly, I'm focused on the task at hand, my workout. However, every now and then someone may catch my eye as I'm sure is true for you guys sometimes. Usually it ends there...I am old fashioned and will not approach a guy but if I go into the gym... I usually crack jokes and show more attention to the one that has caught my attention...*Got that ladies, dont miss that hint*

* I.e. while playing basketball talk "stuff".. say things like, while he is holding the basketball "I dont know what your going to do with that you don't know how to use it..." Trust me works everytime. Ehh then you get to talking to them and see ENNNGGHHHH not very bright so yet again we move on. *Please note yet again that would never happen if it were the Rock *wink wink call me*

Last but certainly not least...

CHURCH: The Lord's House

Ok we are not at church for dating we are there to get the Lord's word and spiritual feeding...GOT THAT. However, lets' be real yet again. How many of you ladies noticed the fine gentlemen sitting a few pews over alone? Or fella's saw that beautiful woman doing the same? Well what do you do? Hell, I don't know again being honest. I haven't found that at church not to say I wouldn't but so far all the good looking ones are married. Which yay for them right that was me before. I'll expand on this one more as it happens. Expected more in this section didn't you? Please beware though the devil is in church too. So we must be careful here as well. Ha ha sorry.

Moral of this blog is: We cannot look for, seek out and find the mate for us. We have to sit back live our lives, pray and when God is ready to bless us with that special "right" someone this time we will be ready. That special someone could be at any of the above situation or in thousands of other situations. I feel the fustration with dating lol so I chose to blog in jest about it. HEY!! who ever gets this chica *ahem The Rock call me!* Will have a good one on their hands. So stay in prayer and live your life and let Mr./Mrs. Right find you but don't waste time with Mr/Mrs Wrong, I don't care if the sex is good...you got that!!

Til next time...