Kids Who Need a Long Talk in a Dark Corner

This week I have had the pleasure of being on vacation from work.  Well my time off has been an adventure all its own.  My daughter had her first sleep over and we did some awesomely fun kid stuff….yay right?! Yeah, well somewhat…in all my kid friendly outings this week, I have observed some commonalities in kids’ personalities while out in public.  Are any of these your kids?

Whiner/Pouter:

This is the kid that whines and complains the entire time they are out with their parent/s.  This is usually accompanied by a high pitch voice. This is actually most annoying.  Situation goes something like this…the parent will say, “Ok, well Johnny what if we just go here first then we will go there.”  Johnny says “*high pitch voice* no but I don’t want to I want to go there now…now…I don’t want be here blah blah.”

Mistake: You gave Johnny the power.  Don’t do it…if you fall for this little Johnny will always whine to get on your nerves and get what he wants.

Solution: Take little Johnny to a dark corner and have a long talk in a low voice. That’ll do the trick! J

Screamer:

This is the kid that will scream if they don’t get what they want…the goal of the Screamer is that of the Whiner coupled with grabbing attention as well.  This one is no bueno because the parent/s usually will go into panic mode to divert attention and get the child to stop screaming.  Usually that means giving into the childs’ demands.

Mistake:  Again, the child has the power. Don’t do it.

Solution: You could again take the child to a dark corner and have a long talk or with a screamer perhaps pick the kid up  and walk outside or to a bathroom and let them just scream and you stand with a blank stare and then say “yeah are you finshed?” OOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR if you spank now would be a time to give the classic response “do you want me to give you something to scream about?”

Potty  Mouth:

This is the child that you wonder what do they hear at home…sweet Jesus o_O the mouth on this kid will make you blush! The conversation with the Potty mouth goes like this…”Jane, I said no you cannot have that so put it back now !” Jane: “No you &%#^ I won’t effin put it back but you can &^*$&%#% yourself mom!”  Mom: “That language is not appropriate young lady”  Bystanders thinking..”KNOCK HER OUT KNOCK HER OUT!”

Mistake: You are letting your child be exposed to this language or you are using it yourself in anger and they have totally picked up on it and are using it against you! Also, you don’t discipline strict enough for this behavior to cease.

Solution: You need a long talk in a dark corner for allowing this to happen! However, it has so now you need to nip it in the bud! Spank, strict punishments etc are necessary in this case! The child should know they are smart enough to use a better vocabulary as well as they will have some RESPECT for you as their parent and other elders around!  BOTTOM LINE! NIP THIS IN THE BUD because this is a reflection of you!

UFC fighter:

This is the kid that wants to use fist and force to get what he or she wants.  This type of kid right here is the type that will end up on Maury Povich or some talk show.  Never is this ok! I’ve seen it this weekend as well… conversation goes like this… “Davie we are not doing that right now, please have a seat.” Davie yells: “NO!” Mom: “ok Davie lets not do this today please have a seat right now young man!” Davie: “*Smacks mom * I said NO I want to go over to the slide now!* Mom: “That is not nice Davie you shouldn’t do that but we will go over for just a few minutes and that is all!”  Bystanders: o_O WTH?!

Mistake: Well in this instance there are several…for one what if the child being exposed too that says its ok to hit.  Or what situation goes on at home that makes him think that is a way to get his way…hmmmm.  Also, like all the others the kid acts a fool and the parent gave in…never the thing to do then that tells the kid that this is the way I can get what I want!

Solution:  You know the standard answer long talk in a dark corner. In this instance, spanking probably isn’t best well maybe a lil but the whole point is that they shouldn’t be hitting so by hitting them how does that provide a solution.  In some instances UFC fighters may need some sort of counseling pinpoint and work out their anger and aggression.

Crier

This is the kid that will cry if they don’t get what they want…the goal of the crier is that of the Screamer & Whiner.  This is the kid that can and will cry at the drop of a dime.  Don’t get what they want…they cry, parents tell them no to something…they cry etc.

Mistake:  Giving into the crier, they feed off of this but when you give in the child has the power. Again, don’t do it.

Solution: See the same solution of The Screamer and the Whiner

The Starer:

I think this is America’s favorite.  I have fun messing with the starers . This is the kid that just blankly stares at strangers, over booths at a restaurant, in line at the grocery store etc …their facial expression never changes nor do their eyes move and they never say a word.  Just stare.

You notice a little pair of eyes staring at you…

Kid: 

You: Oh well hello there. How are you?

Kid: 

You: Oooook are you lost where is your mom or dad?

Kid: 

You: Look side to side and even behind you, only to turn and see...

Kid: 

You: (Hmm OK now we are feeling a bit awkward) OK, well do you like my shirt?

Kid: 

You: BOO!

Kid: 

You: 

They end up winning because you just walk off typically or turn around.

Mistake:  There really isn't one here.  I think all kids go through this phase it's just hilarious that's all.

Solution: Just grab their attention and let them know if not really polite to stare.  I usually jokingly say to my daughter when she is staring at someone having a coversation...ummm sweetie are they talking to you?

Now these were just a few of some stand out personalities I observed and know you are probably familiar with. There were a lot of well mannered normal kids as well but of course I had to laugh a little at those above.  Well this is my last blog of 2011! So in that case..God bless, be safe and...

Blog ya in next year!!!

My Adventures in the Gym

Well hello there again!

As promised in the previous post…I will break down what I have observed in my visits to the gym.  Now, I have always been pretty athletic and fit.  Not tooting my own horn it’s just something that is in my DNA I think to be active exercising or playing sports.   Well my season of flag football, basketball is over until spring.  So in addition to my boxing work out I said to myself…”Self you need to get to the gym a few times a week to relieve stress and get that six pack you want.” Well it’s going well, but I digress…this blog is not about my physical progress workout. Maybe we will discuss that one day but yeah not today. In my frequent trips to the gym and if you hadn’t noticed I’m a bit of a people watcher…well I have categorized some gym goers.  Once you read these I’m sure you will be able to identify.

First up we shall pay homage to the:

GYM RAT:

These are the guys that have to lift as much weight as humanly possible for their body, they have to make grunting noise, yell, and scream so everyone in the gym knows they are “getting buff.”  Also, typically they lift weight close to a mirror so once they are done they can spring up and check out their physique in said mirror.  Once the gym rat has finished a particular weight routine.  They usually grab a towel and water bottle and walk around the gym doing the buff walk like they own the place.  Wait…why are you looking like that…you don’t know what the buff walk is? Oh allow me to explain…ok hunch both your shoulders up, then let your arms dangle free slightly bent and away from your body, now squeeze both your butt cheeks in now walk…BAM look at you buff walking!!!

Next up is America’s favorite the:

The Spokesperson:

These are the people who come into the gym and you think wow they are about to hit it hard! OR if playing basketball for instance you think whoa did they play in college.  All because they have the LOOK down! They will have on the Nike shoes, socks, shorts, air dry razor back tank top or jersey, the Nike head band, towel, watch etc the list goes on and on.  However, if you notice this a lot of time is the person with absolutely NO ATHLETIC bone in their body. If they are just working out they come often but the ol elliptical or treadmill defeats them in 3 mins or less. The weighted machines stay on a weight of 10 or the pin isn’t in at all. But I tell you what bless their hearts they look good doing it.  They get picked up in a basketball game only for their team to realize that was an EPIC fail of a decision to pick them up.   However, the Spokesperson can sure give you great tips on fashionable gym attire! If this is your style…hey embrace it its ok…look one of our favorite comedian Kevin Hart does…watch…

OK moving on along to the…

The Singles:

These are folks that can also fall under one of the categories above.  Yet the main purpose of Singles is to simply check out chicks or guys.  This is the guy who will give you that huge smile and then randomly pop up next to you on every machine you get on…the Singles can sometime be a bit creepy. Now women are in this category…wanna know how to spot a woman that’s a singles…find her next to a somewhat hot guy in the gym she will be on the treadmill next to him leisurely walking with a full face of make up but dressed like a SPOKESPERSON.

Next we get to the…

The New Years Resolution Maker:

These folks usually come out of the wood work after the holidays. These are the folks who went the ol New Years ball dropped they made the resolution that this would be the year that they would get in shape.  They get excited and sometimes form group…yay.  They then get all the apparel needed for the gym and head on down to the local gym and sign up.  Some even get personal trainers…because they are serious this time not like that past years. Nope this year it’s different. Well the New Years Resolution Makers start off good and strong sad part is usually about 2 weeks later…nada Gyms love the New Years Resolution Makers they get them obligated in contracts and get their money never see them again.  FREE MONEY!

Then comes the:

“I’ve got to get my body right for the summer" person:  

 Actually see New Years Resolution Maker however this person usually emerges in April or May right before the summer.  One caveat is sometime this is the person that says they will hit it hard to be able to get into a bikini by summer obstacle is their body most likely looks like this…

Next Up:

The never ending runner:

This group of people I secretly envy…they run for ever and ever and ever.  Me after a mile and a half 2 and most I’m tuckered out.  I had to work to get to that point.  Don’t judge me I was a sprinter not a cross country runner! This person usually has a straight face, ear buds in ears or watching TV…they usually are dripping in sweat and have a towel for the occasional sweat wipe away…

The Magazine reader:

I think this is a new generation of exercisers or something…I mean we come to the gym to work up a sweat right…WRONG these folks have the latest edition of Cosmo or People and catching up with celebrity gossip while working out.  I must admit I tried it yeah not so much for me…I’ll stick with reading mags in the Doc office waiting room, but hey if it works for you. Great lol.

Are you the:

Stinky dude:

This dude may or may not be a gym rat, but most likely not a Spokesperson or Single.   This is the guy who is super sweaty and stinks to high hell like the invention of deodorant hasn’t been discovered yet.  This guy may be outgoing but he is usually all over the gym and you know this because his stench is all over the gym turning heads and burning nose hairs out of all gym patrons.  This person is also not going to use the sanitizing wipes to clean off the machines or weights once you use them.  Forget about it, he isn’t EVEN going to attempt to use them.

OMG without further ado!

The locker room flasher:

Ok where do I begin with this one...let me paint you a picture of my encounter.  So I leave work headed to the gym…la da dee la dad ah (that’s me humming).  I walk into the gym say hey to the employees “hey guys!” they say “hey how are ya?” back at me.  La da dee hmmm mmmmm open the door to the women’s locker room go around the corner to the locker area and WHAM greeted by butt nakedness! In my head I think…”Holy hell cover up” but I say nothing because honestly this is quite normal for a locker room right.  Well then it gets interesting…I am taking my coat off and placing items in the locker gathering my clothes to escape into the handicapped bathroom stall to change (yeah I’m that one…don’t judge me).  Before I could finish gathering my clothes I hear…” hey what’s up Toya?!” I look up to say “hello” but something happened my eyes looked up before I could speak and what they saw was the back shot view of a woman looking at me while drying her ankles off and looking at me from in between her legs…OK my face instantly looked like o_O all I could say was “oh nothing” and I dang near ran to the stall.  Where I had to then compose myself and mouth silently to myself “WTH was that?!” Then I have to come back to work or around the building and see you on a regular basis…FAIL!

Ok so prime rule for me…DO NOT TALK TO ME WHILE YOU ARE BUTT NAKED!! …well unless you’re the ROCK but ahem back to the subject…yes not cool.  I don’t want to talk to you as you are lifting your breast to dry sweat or water etc or while you’re putting on underwear.  Let’s just enjoy the silence and pick up the conversation once we are fully clothed to avoid any awkwardness.

Welp it's been fun dissecting the various personalities at the gym and sharing it with you but I gotta run...Blog ya later!

Turkey Day Ettiquette: What type are you?!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone!! 

I hope you all enjoyed the day with family and/or friends! 

I went to my Uncle and Aunts house for thanksgiving dinner and met up with family.  Great! Now with that said, I realized there are several various types Thanksgiving food partakers (for lack of a better word). Here we go...

Hoarder:  Pile on as much as they can as fast and they can and hurry in the kitchen because I’m coming back as soon as I scarf this down

The Food Can’t Touch Eater: This person loves the food but oh boy if two foods touch on their plate they will have a melt down… (If you don’t think this person exist think again I watched the meltdown happen it was the most hilarious thing ever lol)

The Picky Eater: This is the person that walks around slowly peeking under pot tops, lifting aluminum foil, poking at food. The pick eater has to closely survey EVERY thing…then when they do fix their plate they only eat certain things. This person sometimes frowns upon others because they eat something that the Picky Eater does not.

The Dieter: This is the person that comes in and proclaims they are on a diet and they can only eat certain things and only a little of this and a little of that…*please note* by the end of the day this person has morphed into the Hoarder.

Bird Eater: This is the person that that will make a regular plate and for some reason they can never finish it.  You can usually find the Bird Eater with a lot of napkins around where they have chewed food and spit out or you might find their paper/Styrofoam plate face down in the trash as to not to alert anyone they didn’t eat all of their food.

The Mouth Wide Open Eater:  This is the person that could be one of the above however, since all the family is around the table perhaps swapping stories from past this person just has to chime in the only thing is…they have a mouth full of food! #FAIL usually bits of cornbread or some other food comes spewing out as everyone looks on with a blank stare. This person usually thinks the looks of everyone is because of their awesome story but it not on the contrary.

Grab & Go Eater: These are family members or friends that make it his or her own personal mission to see how many thanksgiving dinners they can make it too.  They usually eat a small amount (to leave room for other visits). They pack a plate like a hoarder and next thing you know they have their aluminum foiled wrapped plate, coat on  and they are waving goodbye to everyone while heading to their next target.

Last but not least…

The Desserter:  This is the person that is probably one of the above but will also partake in indulging in a hunkin piece of every desert and gluttonously groan, “mmm’s and ahh’s” while eating.

OK, so what type are you?  Are you willing to admit it :)

My truth:

       You know this time of year for me is a bit bittersweet for me.  When I was younger it was always so exciting… yeah but not so much anymore.  Wait, wait I know what your thinking don’t be like that…and I don’t mean in the horrible, but  the generation or generations before myself used to always make sure the family was gathered and everyone was in attendance.  Well that generation has grown a lot older some have gone to be with the Lord and others just can’t do it anymore.  I must be honest this saddens me.  A lot of my family has moved and we are all scattered.

      Now this is the second Thanksgiving I’ve had since my separation and divorce.  I have to honestly say,   I don’t miss that part  ¯\(ツ)/¯

Hey I’m just being honest…but it was the first holiday I was separated from my daughter…although it was only for 8 hours it seemed like a lifetime.  I did have a good time messing with my uncle and family though.

Ok funny story then I’ll wrap it up… you know I like to ramble. So I listen to the Rickey Smiley Morning Show every morning (its hilarious)…ok anyway Rickey is always mispronouncing words…so the morning crew incorporated a bell.  Anytime someone mispronounces a word they ring the bell.

Well yesterday scratch that my uncle is always mispronouncing words and proudly too (because he just knows he is right). For example…he said,  "I got on my computer and I STROLLED down and the stuff was gone." My facial expression at this point was -à o_O  I then tapped the bell said *ahem* you mean "scroll." The bell got quite a bit of use with him trying to say Bass Pro Shop...kept getting tongue tied! LOL...

Well the end of  my visit was when my uncle decide to tell us the story of how he remembers when he learned to walk! OK OK...

You remember when you were 10 months old and you are 52 yrs old now and don’t remember what you did last week! HILARIOUS!!! I love that guy! Always giving me a laugh!

Ok, Ok well that’s enough of my rambling! Again, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and now I shall clean and shop…hopefully all the crazy people who camped out for Black Friday sales have now gone home and I can just ease in and get what I need J

Be blessed! Blog ya later!

I Would Much Rather Shampoo My Hair with My Eyes Taped Open Letting the Shampoo Burn my Corneas' vs. Dating…Part 2 to I Would Much Rather Rip Out My Toenails vs. Dating Again...Life After Break Up or Divorce

*This blog post is dedicated to #94 who has never really left my side and has always been encouraging to me*

Well, here I am doing a part 2 to a blog post I did over a year ago…

Figured it was time to update you all…wait…not that you care but yeah, yeah my blog so you are forced to read! *evil laugh* mwhahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ok well let’s see guess you can say I tried all the things in the post previously so let’s recap from that shall we… 

First encounter

 Meeting someone at a store…well as I instructed at the end of that blog.  Don’t go looking let that person find you.  Here goes…

Well, I went into a local auto parts store in search of an item.  Well there was a certain gentleman who walked by and smiled.  Guess you could say he caught my eye.  Well of course me being the lady I am (psshh LOL I’m a total tomboy) *ahem* anyways I just smiled back.  I went about finding what I needed and proceeded to exit the store when all of a sudden I heard in a Latino accent “Bonita” well, well I thought hmmm I know what that means… (Beautiful) and I looked back and he was waving…I stopped we conversed. OK, blah, blah went on a date yada yada…Ok you wanna know how this turned out…

Happily ever after!! YYYYEAAAHHHHH RRIIIGGGHHHTTT NO!!! Stalker type! RED ALERT..RED ALERT. Nice dude but boy he was super dee duper clingy like a pair of jean after a water ride! 

For example, after one date you call me mid date at work saying “I MIIIIISSSSS YOOOOUUUUU”…ok I was holding the phone at work with this facial expression o_O like really? You have got to be kidding me?

After several attempts of evasiveness, unreturned phone calls, unanswered texts I finally again told him AGAIN, yeah I don’t think I’m ready for all this (which I really don’t think I was but even so after 1 day! Are you friggin kidding me #fail).

Next up:  Friend Set up

So I was chatting it up with an old friend and she was saying “hey I know a great guy for you.”  Me thinking to myself ummmm did I ask for you to set me up? In me, saying “hey what’s going on you with you did I inadvertently say “please set me up?” No? Ok I didn’t think so…anyways moving on along.  I said ok fine, whatever, who is he blah blah so she says can I give him your number…I say you most certainly cannot.  I said but you can give him my Google voice number (I shall go over this very important necessity at the end of this blog post). Anyways so he text and emailed me a picture…ok wwweeeeeelllll red flag number one.  The picture of was him far off sitting down! Whenever someone takes a picture that far off they are hiding something. Well I know what it was here…anyways. So I said well how you would describe yourself.  He said 6’2, tall (ok no kidding you said 6’2 anyways), ATHLETIC BUILD, honest, homebody etc.  I thought yeah ok. So he asked me out to lunch since we work in close proximity to one another.  Sure set up a meeting lunch date.  These are perfect! Why you ask I’ll tell you why because you have an hour to get to know someone. If you’re not feeling them then you can look forward to that hour ending vs. being on a date with an endless night all awkward.  Well first we met…remember a lil while ago I said he described himself as ATHLETIC BUILD…

Well apparently that was back in high school because this guy was two Twinkies from obesity!! Next up he said he was a homebody…the entire time he talked about clubs and liquor…two things that don’t excite me. So as I sat there trying not to be rude but man I was totally bored about of my mind.

You know after that I was like eh blah blah a few dates with others here and there.  Not bad guys but not anything I want and I felt I wasn’t ready and you know sometime we have to stop and be patient. Don’t force it. Let God guide us. Sometimes it takes us to be alone  and content with ourselves  to understand that! 

One main thing that I’ve had during my split and all other crap  is a really good friend! Actually the best friend in the world besides family.  When I went through everything he was there…I sat and thought about it and wow. Always a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear. When I needed to be critiqued he or corrected he did so even if I got an attitude.  When I cried or was angry he was still there. Very attentive etc it’s funny how we take those things for granted.  Funny thing is I then developed feelings which then made me push him away and did things uncharacteristic of myself all to protect myself.  Well folks that’s what fear will do to you! Not proud of it but…is what it is I guess.

However, we recently had a conversation about Faith…and what that really means.  Faith I explained, is just believing. Well …this post will be a way I should you how one can step out on Faith…and say…

#94 you have been the bestest friend a girl could have…you have every trait that I want in a man and put up with me when you could have just written me off! Of course none of us are perfect…Lord knows I’m not. I have prayed long and hard on this and I know it’s time for me to step out on Faith as I speak about so often. Now,  I have made mistakes and not handled things in the best manner but I sure hope you have forgiven me. 

Ok, now I say all that to say this folks! Keep faith the one for you is looking for you or better yet look around he/she may be already by your side! Don’t wait til it’s too late! …Oh wait..I forgot to give you info to the dating must have…a lil invention called...

Google Voice is awesome…it allows you to have a phone number... whatever number you want that will ring to your phone or whatever phone you specify.  The beauty in it is the person never really truly has your phone number (also great for when you are signing up for stuff online etc) .  You can go online or use the mobile  app on your phone to block, text, get vmails etc. It’s awesome! Here is a link if you want to try it out…best of all its FREE!! https://www.google.com/voice

Blog ya later!!

Guess whose back to let you know

Ok Ok I have been MIA for a while…had a lot goin on…well SUE ME, BUT guess what I’m back! Just wanted to ease back into my blog so here we go. How many of you come in contact with people who just make you shake your head and think I could smooth haul off and smack you in the face for ‘that’. Well if not you’re weird, I felt compelled to tweet several things that just make me think…‘You Need to Be Slapped across the face.’ I know some of you follow me on twitter and some of you do not so for you who do not here you go. Please feel free to post some of your reasons as a comment Ill be sure to tweet them. Welp *cracks knuckles* here we go!

You still have that 250 count cd case in ya car You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face get some sort of mp3 player its 2010 for crying out loud!

If I hand u my money and u put my change on the counter .

You take yo nasty behind in the bathroom and dont flush when ur done...

On a job app u list as ur email address MrGoodDick@yahoo.com

You went to see For Colored Girls & tweeted or posted to Facebook that you were mad Madea wasn’t in it.

You use your unemployment check to buy weed.

You have a hand written resume.

You are born & raised in the USA and you can't speak proper English. There is a time and place for everything.

On a job app u list for gaps in employment that u were getting off crack & trying to stop prostituting.

If u were more concerned about Lil wayne getting out or some other ridiculousness but didnt attempt to vote for issues concerning you directly You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face.

If you don't brush yo teeth and especially if you are always up in somebodies face.

Deadbeat Dads and Moms.

Your the weather man and tell everyone itll be 75° & sunny & it ends up 30 & raining.

If you're a woman who doesn't think the Rock is sexayyyyy. Ok..say he isn't...look, I dare you I double dog dare you! *ooowwwwwwwwwwwwww* Call me Dwyane! =)

*Ahem ok getting back to the list!

You let ur man get ready to "*give u knowledge" & You dont enlighten him tht its a bad idea that time of the month.

You have an emaciated dog chained up in your backyard surrounded by flies.

You bathe in brute, old spice or any of the kind.

Your breathe smells like moldy ass & cinnamon You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face you need to brush not just pop in a piece of big red.

You kiss yo dog all in the mouth, that’s just nasty.

Your buttcheeks are stuck together because your nasty behind don't know how to wipe properly...

((Scenario)) You know your man/husband is cheating. Your response: "whatever tho.. he comes home to me every night so whatever." *blank stare* You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face

You don't give God the Glory....You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face how do you think you got here fool!

These are only a few...feel free to add on. I could go on all day! Well I h0pe to get back to blogging on a regular basis, but this was just to get back into it. Thank you guys!

*knowledge =head