Guess whose back to let you know

Ok Ok I have been MIA for a while…had a lot goin on…well SUE ME, BUT guess what I’m back! Just wanted to ease back into my blog so here we go. How many of you come in contact with people who just make you shake your head and think I could smooth haul off and smack you in the face for ‘that’. Well if not you’re weird, I felt compelled to tweet several things that just make me think…‘You Need to Be Slapped across the face.’ I know some of you follow me on twitter and some of you do not so for you who do not here you go. Please feel free to post some of your reasons as a comment Ill be sure to tweet them. Welp *cracks knuckles* here we go!

You still have that 250 count cd case in ya car You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face get some sort of mp3 player its 2010 for crying out loud!

If I hand u my money and u put my change on the counter .

You take yo nasty behind in the bathroom and dont flush when ur done...

On a job app u list as ur email address MrGoodDick@yahoo.com

You went to see For Colored Girls & tweeted or posted to Facebook that you were mad Madea wasn’t in it.

You use your unemployment check to buy weed.

You have a hand written resume.

You are born & raised in the USA and you can't speak proper English. There is a time and place for everything.

On a job app u list for gaps in employment that u were getting off crack & trying to stop prostituting.

If u were more concerned about Lil wayne getting out or some other ridiculousness but didnt attempt to vote for issues concerning you directly You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face.

If you don't brush yo teeth and especially if you are always up in somebodies face.

Deadbeat Dads and Moms.

Your the weather man and tell everyone itll be 75° & sunny & it ends up 30 & raining.

If you're a woman who doesn't think the Rock is sexayyyyy. Ok..say he isn't...look, I dare you I double dog dare you! *ooowwwwwwwwwwwwww* Call me Dwyane! =)

*Ahem ok getting back to the list!

You let ur man get ready to "*give u knowledge" & You dont enlighten him tht its a bad idea that time of the month.

You have an emaciated dog chained up in your backyard surrounded by flies.

You bathe in brute, old spice or any of the kind.

Your breathe smells like moldy ass & cinnamon You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face you need to brush not just pop in a piece of big red.

You kiss yo dog all in the mouth, that’s just nasty.

Your buttcheeks are stuck together because your nasty behind don't know how to wipe properly...

((Scenario)) You know your man/husband is cheating. Your response: "whatever tho.. he comes home to me every night so whatever." *blank stare* You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face

You don't give God the Glory....You Need To Be Slapped Across The Face how do you think you got here fool!

These are only a few...feel free to add on. I could go on all day! Well I h0pe to get back to blogging on a regular basis, but this was just to get back into it. Thank you guys!

*knowledge =head

Workplace: Are you Friggin Kiddin Me?!

Hey there again folks! I am yet again compelled to blog!! This time about 2 main issues that plague the work place. What might you ask? Compensation issues? Lack of Benefits? Office gossip? Well...NO...more important...

1. Work Place Bathroom etiquette and
2. Elevator riding etiquette

Workplace Etiquette: Bathroom Golden Rules

Rule #1 Please keep down the stink:

Your bathroom at home probably has a fan, and I bet you put it to good use. Your bathroom at work on the other hand eeehhhhh probably doesn’t though, which means everybody else in there with you and after you can smell what’s going on. If you think it might be an especially funk nasty trip, please courtesy flush*! Don’t look like that…you are saying "well people will know"…well hello you don’t think they smell that?! c’mon now! Smelling like you ate an entire cow the night before! Also if you leave skid marks in the stool. We don’t want to see that keep flushing till it’s all gone! Thanks!

*courtesy flush: Flushing the toilet at the exact moment of a smelly bowel movement hitting the water as to minimize lingering oders that may eminate off the perpatrating poo. Keeping the bowl poo free will keep the bathroom odor to a minimum. (Urban Dictionary.com)

#2 If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat!
Ok people this one is age old! Wipe the toilet off…true enough I’m not putting my buttcheeks on a public toilet seat but eeehhhh some might. Plus that is beside the point no one wants to get there paper toilet seat cover wet either! So be mindful not nasty.

#3 For Unisexed Bathrooms
Guy s…PUT DOWN THE SEAT!! You never know what poor unsuspecting soul isn’t paying attention and then…wham!! Buttcheeks in the water! Trust me not a good look!

Rule #4 Wash your damn hands!!

You are not that busy!! STOP and wash your hands…with soap! You know what is what’s worse than seeing some stranger in a public bathroom leave without washing their hands? *Don’t worry, I’ll wait…*
...I’ll tell you…seeing somebody you work with do the same thing! Actually it’s worse because now you get to spend the whole day wondering what they are touching with their filthy, disgusting, germ-ridden boo boo hands on, and your hoping what they need to touch isn’t on your desk. Oh and low and behold you see them shake someone’s hand *cringe* ewwww. Ok I really don’t know why I even have to address this but give the number of socially inept non-washers I see in my field research on a day to day basis people still aren’t getting the message!

Don’t be any violators of the above or I will find you…lol.

Ok next topic on today’s docket is Elevator Etiquette. I think the first way to know what’s the right then to do is to identify what kind of elevator rider you are? Not sure? Oh let’s go over some of them shall we?

The Squeezer: A Full elevator opens up but they insist on squeezing in

This is the person that when you are cramped in a packed elevator, the door open and this person insists on squeezing in. Usually you hear this statement…”Oooo full house huh? Ehhh well I think I can squeeze in here. Also in most cases the squeezer is usually about 250lbs and up. If this is you: STOP IT wait on the next one man!

Mr/Ms. Lazy:

This is the person that has no physical impairments, not moving a cart, not carrying a lot and they are going up 1 or 2 floors. Really? Is this you? Stop being lazy get the exercise hit the stairs its only one or two flights. Oh please note you may also get a “squeezer lazy person” Truly sad people…

Mr/Ms. Button Pusher:

This is the person that is waiting on the elevator or is in the elevator and they rigously push the up or down button or the floor they are going too like a mad person. Ok newsflash dork just because you keep pushing it doesn’t mean the elevator is going into warp speed.
Mr/Ms. Stink & Run:

This is the nasty person that waits till right before they get off the elevator to poot or belch and get off leaving the stench behind. It really sucks if you’re the only one on the elevator then it stops at another floor gain riders and they think it’s you that let lose.

Mr/Ms. ClausterPhobic:

is the person that stand with there nose to the elevator doors damn near clawing to get out and escape. Calm down dude the doors will open. If this is you two words…Seek Help!

Mr/Ms. Impatient:

This is the person that is in “such a rush” that they will plow down anyone getting onto the elevator, who care there are people exiting the elevator..well Mr/Ms Impatient sure doesn’t care. This person usually morphs into Mr/Ms Button Pusher once on the elevator. Is this is you: Calm down geez!

Mr/Ms Butthole:

This is the person that I despise. You need Jesus is what you need meanie!. This is the person that sees you coming sometimes sees you running and pushes the close button. You sir or ma’am are an ass. That is all

Mr/Ms Too Friendly:

This person is quiet the opposite of Mr/Ms. Butthole but ends up being a butthole too. This is the person that keeps the door open to chit chat. I mean the door is buzzing trying to close because its been open so long, but they have to stay on and keep the door open to talk about the weekend or their kids etc. Meanwhile everyone on the elevator is giving them the *blank stare* and just wants to kick them in the back out the elevator and let the doors close. If this is you: just step off to talk and catch the another one.

Mr/Ms Confused:

Ok Ok this person typically is a visitor we know but doesn’t make them any less annoying. This is the person that says I’m going to the 8^th flr *pushes button* oh wait no no I think its 12 *pushes button* nnaaahhhh I think the sign said 13 or 14 hmm *pushes both buttons* Meanwhile your eyes have grown to the size of saucers and you mouth silently “WTH man” as soon as you do that you hear *ding* they say oh look it is 8. Too bad you are going to the 20^th floor now you have to stop at all those floors Mr/Ms Confused pushed.

Now that you have identified your type…the thing to do is, not to do it! Be mindful of other riders!

Moral of the blog can be summed up in one word…COURTESY if you are not then try it! You laugh ha ha ha but these are all things you know you can identify with. Until next time...

Random WTH's We Encounter Everyday

Ok first of all I guess I should define what the acronym WTH is...well it means 'what the hell?!' It is a term that I use quite often...can't help it. One more I should familiarize you with is 'smh' which means 'shaking my head.' Ok now I will give you a couple examples to make sure you are comfortable and get it.

Example #1: = WTH or SMH?! Get it? Ok good.

Example #2 =WTH or an SMH.

***********************************************************************************

Ok now that we have the linguistics out the way. Let's get to the topic at hand... some random everyday things that make you go WTH?! or just smh.

#1 SKINNY JEANS especially on guys!

<---thats gotta hurt...

OK OMG!!! This is such a bad look that I wish would just die and go back to where it came from. I mean on what planet do these look right? I cannot believe guys are even going for those but I guess they want to be on the cutting edge of fashion, but these bad boys looks like they are on the cutting edge of something alright, something that will hurt if you move too fast the wrong way.

Part 2 to Skinny Jean...lol Sagging Skinny Jeans...

Ok this is a big WTH?! Really fella's does this look right to you? Not a good look...I repeat...not a good look!

Two big problems here...

#1 They are saggin skinny jeans

#2 The 80's multiple colors with the matching shoes...really?! You gunna do that huh? In twitter world this would be known as an #UtterFail and an over all hot mess. So skinny jeans overall get a big fat WTH?!

#2 Natural Hair : It is not for everyone

Yeah I said it!! And...? If you are not going to keep it up or if it just looks a mess then don't do it!! If your hair looks like it could be featured in the movie Saw as one of Jigsaws traps then you need to do something different. This topic is not exclusive to any one group of people.

Look at these WTH?! Natural Hair styles...

< 'Really home girl needs to part and grease. Come on now.'

Wow I can honestly say I didn't think a white guys hair could look like this...Did he stick his finger in a socket or what? WTH?!


Last but not least look at this, there is no caption to capture the essence of the WTH-ness...

I mean look at this what really can you say?! Other than WTH?! What crawled up in his head and died?!

#2 Hair Part 2: Styles

OK so the natural hair is getting out of hand on some folks but the some of these hairstyles period are just a bit outlandish and just simply put look like 'who did it and what for?!' Don't believe me? Oh well let me show you then. Mr or Ms/Mrs Doubty pants...I double triple dog dare you not to say WTH?! Can you do it...? Here we go...

Even the lady in the background is looking at her like WTH?!

Yeah not sure what that is...other than WTH?!

This right here is hotmessness taken to a whole nother level...not sure if that is a real word but whatever...ya heard it here first folks. WTH?!

smh folks

#3 Tattoos

I am probably in the minor regarding tattoos. I have none "and why?" you ask. Well i'm not a needle person so I deal with them when I have too, BUT for me to pay someone to dig in my skin with a needle?! Well let's just say I'm good on that, I'll pass. However, just because I don't have any doesn't mean I don't know a hot mess when I see one. Curious as to what I am talking about, well let's dive in shall we?

Tattoo fau paux #1

Bad artwork...really folks this is a permanent thing on your body how about you check out the tattoo artist before you sit down and let them go to work diggin in your skin with ink. Otherwise, you might end up like this poor guy...

Tattoo faux paux #2

Tackiness…this is just a common sense thing, I think. This is one of those things where you sit down in the chair and you think... “self do I really want to tattoo this on my body which I have to look at all the time (unless it’s on your back) and that's permanent, hmm do I?” Well some people are just idiots, do it anyway and then end up with tattoos like this…which get a WTH and a SMH.

Really dude you love your genitals sooooo much you had to get them tattooed on under your armpit…*blank stare*…RRRIIIGGGHHHHTTT! WTH?! Someone should just put baby powder all over their hands and just smack hip across the face. SMH!

Tattoo of a woman’s open legs…this right here is a sure sign of someone who isn’t getting any if he needs this tattoo…I’m just saying. I hope he doesn’t have any daughters how do you possible explain that one?

Tattoo faux paux #3

Skin tone.,.yeah I SAID IT!! If you are as dark as an asphalt road and want a tattoo you need to :

A) Pay the extra money for the white ink they have or

B) Just don’t waste your money.

Why you ask? Well because who can see that?! Yeah even your squinting to see it and then you got color HA can’t see that either. Again…WTH?! I'm just being honest.

Prime example here folks…Shaq. We love Shaq yes we do…BUT, can you tell me what that tattoo say or what it is a picture of? Hmmm….Don’t worry I’ll wait…*taps foot patiently*. I’m just saying.

Tattoo faux paux #4
Spell Check anyone? Ok, it’s one idiotic thing to get a girlfriend or boyfriend’s name tattooed on you or to get your favorite saying etc. BUT dude c’mon at least make sure your tattoo artist AT LEAST has a GED and can spell or you will end up like this WTH tattoos. SMH

<Really dude don't you just look cool...NOT BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bless his heart!

Awww he wanted to tell the world how awesome he is and now they know how not awesome he is and the fact that he’s a little special because he has a misspelled tattoo on his back. Sheer comedy I tell you. WTH?!

...Coming up next blog: Bathroom & Elevator Etiquette at Work

A Weird is Normal Poetic Moment

Well the first few blogs came with humor and a message. This one comes the same way buuuuuttt not with as much humor but still a message. This entry is more heart felt. Sometimes I get deep in thought and reflection. Often about life, love and what God has in store for me. Often times we struggle mentally and emotionally with those things. I use poetry as an outlet for these things. Now I am no Maya Angelou but decided to share my poetic thoughts. Just decided to post a couple of poems that I wrote from the heart a few years ago (but they still prove true today). One of them is titled I laugh to keep from cryinig which is how I came up with my blog name. Well here goes. I hope you enjoy....

Laugh 2 Keep from Crying

I'm trying so hard to do what's right,

beaten down like I've been in a fight,

but you could never tell...

I'm going through hell

so many obligations and so many resctrictions

but it's ok I'll get over my conflictions

when you see me I'm silly, laughing and joking

but let me let you in on a secret...

I laugh to keep from crying

I've been through family and friends dying

spouse and good friends lying

making myself a success...

I'm really trying

but I just pray

and I just laugh to keep from crying

I'm struggling to stay up

because people and this world are so corrupt

I'm making ends meet

and we'll end up on our feet

God may let me bend yet never break

He won't put more on me than I can take...

I have that faith but when it gets hard
I just keep my head up and...

Laugh to keep from crying.

Mind Complexities

When you look in my mind, whatever you seek, I hope you find,

Be careful, my ming will engulf, tantalite and confuse you,

Have you in a daze no clue what to do, have you zonin' out,

Wonderin' what this life is all about, enter my cranial flow,
You sure you wanna go? Once you enter your mind will blow,

Like a harsh wind during a thunderstorm,

But don't look surprised because you were warned,

Told all of this ahead of time that when you enter my thoughts

they will blow your mind, deep unclear juxtaposed thoughts,

Contemplating one another, but I know my love for God and none other,

The one I chose, my heart lye's with, never once have I played tricks,

I ignite minds with my heart and soul, these things I must unfold,

Not looking for pampering and charity, but instead providing clarity,

Never realized I could flow with such cluster of words,

Dropping emotions in ways never thought of or heard,

That's because it's the speech of the soul, the language of the heart,

A new communication I'm gunna start, well not me,

The language has lingered and lived an eternity,

Allowing my emotions to soar, foolishness no more,

Pure in my mind down to my core,

Good sensations bring fascination with my interpretation, of love,

Which can bring things to the mind never thought of, bad thoughts I leave,

Now in my cerebrum you have traveled, now entwined,

Can you unravel, out of my mind? our of the mental dimensions of me,

To escape back to reality.

Until next time...Thanks for stopping by and I hope ya'll come back nah! Ya hear!?