Workplace: Are you Friggin Kiddin Me?!

Hey there again folks! I am yet again compelled to blog!! This time about 2 main issues that plague the work place. What might you ask? Compensation issues? Lack of Benefits? Office gossip? Well...NO...more important...

1. Work Place Bathroom etiquette and
2. Elevator riding etiquette

Workplace Etiquette: Bathroom Golden Rules

Rule #1 Please keep down the stink:

Your bathroom at home probably has a fan, and I bet you put it to good use. Your bathroom at work on the other hand eeehhhhh probably doesn’t though, which means everybody else in there with you and after you can smell what’s going on. If you think it might be an especially funk nasty trip, please courtesy flush*! Don’t look like that…you are saying "well people will know"…well hello you don’t think they smell that?! c’mon now! Smelling like you ate an entire cow the night before! Also if you leave skid marks in the stool. We don’t want to see that keep flushing till it’s all gone! Thanks!

*courtesy flush: Flushing the toilet at the exact moment of a smelly bowel movement hitting the water as to minimize lingering oders that may eminate off the perpatrating poo. Keeping the bowl poo free will keep the bathroom odor to a minimum. (Urban Dictionary.com)

#2 If you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat!
Ok people this one is age old! Wipe the toilet off…true enough I’m not putting my buttcheeks on a public toilet seat but eeehhhh some might. Plus that is beside the point no one wants to get there paper toilet seat cover wet either! So be mindful not nasty.

#3 For Unisexed Bathrooms
Guy s…PUT DOWN THE SEAT!! You never know what poor unsuspecting soul isn’t paying attention and then…wham!! Buttcheeks in the water! Trust me not a good look!

Rule #4 Wash your damn hands!!

You are not that busy!! STOP and wash your hands…with soap! You know what is what’s worse than seeing some stranger in a public bathroom leave without washing their hands? *Don’t worry, I’ll wait…*
...I’ll tell you…seeing somebody you work with do the same thing! Actually it’s worse because now you get to spend the whole day wondering what they are touching with their filthy, disgusting, germ-ridden boo boo hands on, and your hoping what they need to touch isn’t on your desk. Oh and low and behold you see them shake someone’s hand *cringe* ewwww. Ok I really don’t know why I even have to address this but give the number of socially inept non-washers I see in my field research on a day to day basis people still aren’t getting the message!

Don’t be any violators of the above or I will find you…lol.

Ok next topic on today’s docket is Elevator Etiquette. I think the first way to know what’s the right then to do is to identify what kind of elevator rider you are? Not sure? Oh let’s go over some of them shall we?

The Squeezer: A Full elevator opens up but they insist on squeezing in

This is the person that when you are cramped in a packed elevator, the door open and this person insists on squeezing in. Usually you hear this statement…”Oooo full house huh? Ehhh well I think I can squeeze in here. Also in most cases the squeezer is usually about 250lbs and up. If this is you: STOP IT wait on the next one man!

Mr/Ms. Lazy:

This is the person that has no physical impairments, not moving a cart, not carrying a lot and they are going up 1 or 2 floors. Really? Is this you? Stop being lazy get the exercise hit the stairs its only one or two flights. Oh please note you may also get a “squeezer lazy person” Truly sad people…

Mr/Ms. Button Pusher:

This is the person that is waiting on the elevator or is in the elevator and they rigously push the up or down button or the floor they are going too like a mad person. Ok newsflash dork just because you keep pushing it doesn’t mean the elevator is going into warp speed.
Mr/Ms. Stink & Run:

This is the nasty person that waits till right before they get off the elevator to poot or belch and get off leaving the stench behind. It really sucks if you’re the only one on the elevator then it stops at another floor gain riders and they think it’s you that let lose.

Mr/Ms. ClausterPhobic:

is the person that stand with there nose to the elevator doors damn near clawing to get out and escape. Calm down dude the doors will open. If this is you two words…Seek Help!

Mr/Ms. Impatient:

This is the person that is in “such a rush” that they will plow down anyone getting onto the elevator, who care there are people exiting the elevator..well Mr/Ms Impatient sure doesn’t care. This person usually morphs into Mr/Ms Button Pusher once on the elevator. Is this is you: Calm down geez!

Mr/Ms Butthole:

This is the person that I despise. You need Jesus is what you need meanie!. This is the person that sees you coming sometimes sees you running and pushes the close button. You sir or ma’am are an ass. That is all

Mr/Ms Too Friendly:

This person is quiet the opposite of Mr/Ms. Butthole but ends up being a butthole too. This is the person that keeps the door open to chit chat. I mean the door is buzzing trying to close because its been open so long, but they have to stay on and keep the door open to talk about the weekend or their kids etc. Meanwhile everyone on the elevator is giving them the *blank stare* and just wants to kick them in the back out the elevator and let the doors close. If this is you: just step off to talk and catch the another one.

Mr/Ms Confused:

Ok Ok this person typically is a visitor we know but doesn’t make them any less annoying. This is the person that says I’m going to the 8^th flr *pushes button* oh wait no no I think its 12 *pushes button* nnaaahhhh I think the sign said 13 or 14 hmm *pushes both buttons* Meanwhile your eyes have grown to the size of saucers and you mouth silently “WTH man” as soon as you do that you hear *ding* they say oh look it is 8. Too bad you are going to the 20^th floor now you have to stop at all those floors Mr/Ms Confused pushed.

Now that you have identified your type…the thing to do is, not to do it! Be mindful of other riders!

Moral of the blog can be summed up in one word…COURTESY if you are not then try it! You laugh ha ha ha but these are all things you know you can identify with. Until next time...