OK, now let's get down to serious business! OK, mybe not, but we will get back to moments of pure silliness. Now I normally don't share emails but this one was HILARIOUS to me. Why, you ask? Well because I could totally see myself being just like this retired husband. Hey, who am I kidding I would do some of this stuff now and heck I already have! However it did give me a few ideas! I have added my own commentary inside the asterisks and of course we have to have graphics to make it even more hilarious! Hope this helps lifts your spirits or keeps your already up spirits up...wait did that make sense? Probably not, but you know what so what! HA! you don't like it feel free to call 1-800-WHO-CARES and press 1273940582030488 then wait for the next available rep! Now without further ado here is the email I wants to share that I received from a VERY special person who I will refer to as...*secret agent voice*.... Number..94
THE RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves
to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of
you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
**Sweet I did this to my mom before, tee hee**
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
**I am guilty of doing this in electronics but I set them to go off after the store was close so the folks opening would come in to plenty o' noise**
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom. **Making notes to do this one**
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. 
This caused the employee to
This caused the employee to
leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that
in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway. 
**Love it I think I will try with twizzlers**
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
**OMG Not funny but funny**
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
**For the record, I would totally do this!**
9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were. 
**All you can do is shake your head on this one LOL!!**
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
' Mission Impossible' theme.
**Yup I have done that while riding in a cart...hey don't judge me!!**
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' **NNIIIICCCCEEEEEE**
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' 
One of the
One of the
clerks passed out. **CLASSIC THIS IS A MUST TRY**
This story was hilarious to me. I love to laugh at myself and not be so serious all the time! It will help your spirit! Try it sometimes! I dare you take one of these things and try it! I bet you will laugh!! OK, as all the famous people say..."Well that's my time! God Bless!!"
Blog ya later, remember keep your head up!
