My Adventures in the Gym

Well hello there again!

As promised in the previous post…I will break down what I have observed in my visits to the gym.  Now, I have always been pretty athletic and fit.  Not tooting my own horn it’s just something that is in my DNA I think to be active exercising or playing sports.   Well my season of flag football, basketball is over until spring.  So in addition to my boxing work out I said to myself…”Self you need to get to the gym a few times a week to relieve stress and get that six pack you want.” Well it’s going well, but I digress…this blog is not about my physical progress workout. Maybe we will discuss that one day but yeah not today. In my frequent trips to the gym and if you hadn’t noticed I’m a bit of a people watcher…well I have categorized some gym goers.  Once you read these I’m sure you will be able to identify.

First up we shall pay homage to the:

GYM RAT:

These are the guys that have to lift as much weight as humanly possible for their body, they have to make grunting noise, yell, and scream so everyone in the gym knows they are “getting buff.”  Also, typically they lift weight close to a mirror so once they are done they can spring up and check out their physique in said mirror.  Once the gym rat has finished a particular weight routine.  They usually grab a towel and water bottle and walk around the gym doing the buff walk like they own the place.  Wait…why are you looking like that…you don’t know what the buff walk is? Oh allow me to explain…ok hunch both your shoulders up, then let your arms dangle free slightly bent and away from your body, now squeeze both your butt cheeks in now walk…BAM look at you buff walking!!!

Next up is America’s favorite the:

The Spokesperson:

These are the people who come into the gym and you think wow they are about to hit it hard! OR if playing basketball for instance you think whoa did they play in college.  All because they have the LOOK down! They will have on the Nike shoes, socks, shorts, air dry razor back tank top or jersey, the Nike head band, towel, watch etc the list goes on and on.  However, if you notice this a lot of time is the person with absolutely NO ATHLETIC bone in their body. If they are just working out they come often but the ol elliptical or treadmill defeats them in 3 mins or less. The weighted machines stay on a weight of 10 or the pin isn’t in at all. But I tell you what bless their hearts they look good doing it.  They get picked up in a basketball game only for their team to realize that was an EPIC fail of a decision to pick them up.   However, the Spokesperson can sure give you great tips on fashionable gym attire! If this is your style…hey embrace it its ok…look one of our favorite comedian Kevin Hart does…watch…

OK moving on along to the…

The Singles:

These are folks that can also fall under one of the categories above.  Yet the main purpose of Singles is to simply check out chicks or guys.  This is the guy who will give you that huge smile and then randomly pop up next to you on every machine you get on…the Singles can sometime be a bit creepy. Now women are in this category…wanna know how to spot a woman that’s a singles…find her next to a somewhat hot guy in the gym she will be on the treadmill next to him leisurely walking with a full face of make up but dressed like a SPOKESPERSON.

Next we get to the…

The New Years Resolution Maker:

These folks usually come out of the wood work after the holidays. These are the folks who went the ol New Years ball dropped they made the resolution that this would be the year that they would get in shape.  They get excited and sometimes form group…yay.  They then get all the apparel needed for the gym and head on down to the local gym and sign up.  Some even get personal trainers…because they are serious this time not like that past years. Nope this year it’s different. Well the New Years Resolution Makers start off good and strong sad part is usually about 2 weeks later…nada Gyms love the New Years Resolution Makers they get them obligated in contracts and get their money never see them again.  FREE MONEY!

Then comes the:

“I’ve got to get my body right for the summer" person:  

 Actually see New Years Resolution Maker however this person usually emerges in April or May right before the summer.  One caveat is sometime this is the person that says they will hit it hard to be able to get into a bikini by summer obstacle is their body most likely looks like this…

Next Up:

The never ending runner:

This group of people I secretly envy…they run for ever and ever and ever.  Me after a mile and a half 2 and most I’m tuckered out.  I had to work to get to that point.  Don’t judge me I was a sprinter not a cross country runner! This person usually has a straight face, ear buds in ears or watching TV…they usually are dripping in sweat and have a towel for the occasional sweat wipe away…

The Magazine reader:

I think this is a new generation of exercisers or something…I mean we come to the gym to work up a sweat right…WRONG these folks have the latest edition of Cosmo or People and catching up with celebrity gossip while working out.  I must admit I tried it yeah not so much for me…I’ll stick with reading mags in the Doc office waiting room, but hey if it works for you. Great lol.

Are you the:

Stinky dude:

This dude may or may not be a gym rat, but most likely not a Spokesperson or Single.   This is the guy who is super sweaty and stinks to high hell like the invention of deodorant hasn’t been discovered yet.  This guy may be outgoing but he is usually all over the gym and you know this because his stench is all over the gym turning heads and burning nose hairs out of all gym patrons.  This person is also not going to use the sanitizing wipes to clean off the machines or weights once you use them.  Forget about it, he isn’t EVEN going to attempt to use them.

OMG without further ado!

The locker room flasher:

Ok where do I begin with this one...let me paint you a picture of my encounter.  So I leave work headed to the gym…la da dee la dad ah (that’s me humming).  I walk into the gym say hey to the employees “hey guys!” they say “hey how are ya?” back at me.  La da dee hmmm mmmmm open the door to the women’s locker room go around the corner to the locker area and WHAM greeted by butt nakedness! In my head I think…”Holy hell cover up” but I say nothing because honestly this is quite normal for a locker room right.  Well then it gets interesting…I am taking my coat off and placing items in the locker gathering my clothes to escape into the handicapped bathroom stall to change (yeah I’m that one…don’t judge me).  Before I could finish gathering my clothes I hear…” hey what’s up Toya?!” I look up to say “hello” but something happened my eyes looked up before I could speak and what they saw was the back shot view of a woman looking at me while drying her ankles off and looking at me from in between her legs…OK my face instantly looked like o_O all I could say was “oh nothing” and I dang near ran to the stall.  Where I had to then compose myself and mouth silently to myself “WTH was that?!” Then I have to come back to work or around the building and see you on a regular basis…FAIL!

Ok so prime rule for me…DO NOT TALK TO ME WHILE YOU ARE BUTT NAKED!! …well unless you’re the ROCK but ahem back to the subject…yes not cool.  I don’t want to talk to you as you are lifting your breast to dry sweat or water etc or while you’re putting on underwear.  Let’s just enjoy the silence and pick up the conversation once we are fully clothed to avoid any awkwardness.

Welp it's been fun dissecting the various personalities at the gym and sharing it with you but I gotta run...Blog ya later!