You! Yes, You! You Need to Come Here & TRY THIS!

OK, so I am on a roll folks! Posting two blog entries in two days...SHUT UP (figure of speech)

OK, now let's get down to serious business! OK, mybe not, but we will get back to moments of pure silliness.  Now I normally don't share emails but this one was HILARIOUS to me. Why, you ask? Well because I could totally see myself being just like this retired husband.  Hey, who am I kidding I would do some of this stuff now and heck I already have! However it did give me a few ideas! I have added my own commentary inside the asterisks and of course we have to have graphics to make it even more hilarious! Hope this helps lifts your spirits or keeps your already up spirits up...wait did that make sense? Probably not, but you know what so what! HA! you don't like it feel free to call 1-800-WHO-CARES and press 1273940582030488 then wait for the next available rep! Now without further ado here is the email I wants to share that I received from a VERY special person who I will refer to as...*secret agent voice*.... Number..94

THE RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get

in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves

to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our

store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of

you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are

listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.   

**Sweet I did this to my mom before, tee hee**

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

**I am guilty of doing this in electronics but I set them to go off after the store was close so the folks opening would come in to plenty o' noise**

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.  **Making notes to do this one**

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to

leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that

in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and

costing the company money.  

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

layaway.  

**Love it I think I will try with twizzlers**

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 

**OMG Not funny but funny**

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from

the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and

screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.  

**For the record, I would totally do this!**

9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror

while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked

the clerk where the antidepressants were.  

**All you can do is shake your head on this one LOL!!**

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the

' Mission Impossible' theme.  

**Yup I have done that while riding in a cart...hey don't judge me!!**

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by

using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'  **NNIIIICCCCEEEEEE**

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed

a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then

yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the

clerks passed out.  **CLASSIC THIS IS A MUST TRY**

This story was hilarious to me.  I love to laugh at myself and not be so serious all the time! It will help your spirit! Try it sometimes! I dare you take one of these things and try it! I bet you will laugh!! OK, as all the famous people say..."Well that's my time! God Bless!!"

Blog ya later, remember keep your head up!

Sometimes Ish Just Ain't Funny!

I'm up late and been doing a lot of thinking...scary huh? Yeah I know, who are you telling! Well ya know my theme is I laugh to keep from crying.  We all have those days if you haven't then either your dead or in extreme denial or you friggin live in Care-Alot with the Care Bears, either way seek counseling but sometimes Ish just ain't funny!.

At any rate... you have those days when you wake up on the right side of the bed with a positive attitude and you seemed to get slapped in the face?  You turn the other cheek and  then you get slapped on that cheek too.  Well friends it happens to us all.  Sucks too, doesn't it! Well i'm here to tell you to be encouraged.  When things or people get you down rather it be personal life, family, friends whatever just hang in there! You are loved!! When you feel down do something nice for someone it will always cheer you up.  Rather its saying a kind word, sending an encouraging text (not a chain letter either grrrrrr) lol or helping out a friend or better yet a stranger, you will see yourself get your mojo back and hopefully begin to smile.  It's hard sometimes to say shake it off, but we have to try.  Otherwise we stay with that little black cloud over us in the rain and negativity is contagios.
We all go through trials and tribulations BUT after every storm the sun comes out and it seems to shine brighter than ever!  
We go through tests so we can have a testimony of where we have been what we have gone through but how we overcame it.  I am here to tell you , it wasn't you, SORRY.  It was only by God's mercy and grace! Rather you are a believer or not it is true and God loves you anyway.  The enemy is strong and will try to bring you down but God is stronger!
Keep striving to be the best YOU that you can be! Sometimes its not easy trust me I know but lets shoot for a positive spirit.  It will show in your life and to others who need to be uplifted! As the song says...my sunshine has come and there's no more rain in this cloud! Just be encouraged whatever you are going through big or small...you can and will get through it! I promise! Remember you can't have a positive life with a negative mind!
That was just in in my heart to blog...this is a journey I am on along with you friends!
...now my eyes are burning and I am going to sleep.  Aaaaand I'm probably going to be be dragging at work tomorrow . Blog ya later Amigos!

Blog entry from the Drafts...Awkward Moments!

Hello Everyone!! Ok, for some reason this has been the never ending blog post that has remained in draft..."Why?" you ask. Well let's see: couple of days ago...not going to lie started typing and my A.D.D kicked in so there went that attempt-Draft! Let's see,2nd attempt all cozy ready to finish up and publish this blog post and what happens I smmooooooooootttthhhh fell asleep...so my comp auto drafted and went to see along with me! LOL well then today I'm determined right? Right?! Well I'm plugging away pasting in my visuals to give you all the full effect of what I'm trying to get across and what happens....you'll never guess! SO in that case I may as well tell you...here I go tippity typing away on my netbook and almost done and what do I hear..."Hey HONEY, how are ya?!" It was my aunt and uncle from North Carolina. Now I love them to pieces but dang Skype Auto Sign In. They completely took over my netbook, how you ask well like this..."let me talk to your mom, then your grandmother, your uncle"...cheesh and on and on and on until the battery died and then what...you guessed it DRAFT! But without further ado...I'm charged up and chillaxin on my couch ready to share my oh so special thought with you all.

Well I always encourage laughter and find humor in life everyday right? No? Well look I just said it so take that! At anyrate some of you just don't know how to lighten up, take the stick out and see the glass as half full. Well I'm going to go over a few awkward moments that have most likely happened to us all that are always good for a giggle! Some of them are my awkward moments and other I have gotten from friends and twitter friends! So here we go!

**********AWKWARD MOMENTS AT THE OFFICE***********

The awkward moment when you walk in the bathroom at work for example one of your co-workers walks out. You greet them super nice (i.e Hey Shirley how's it going..glad it's Friday) you then walk in the bathroom and realize Shirley has dropped a bomb strong enough to peel paint

OR the awkward moment you finish dropping the kids off at the pool walk out of the stall to see a co-worker with a blank stare on their faces and you have to do the walk of shame to the sink to wash your hands. (This awkward moment is courtesy of #94)

Then there is the awkward moment when you hop on an elevator with earphones on full blast and in the midst of you bobbing your head to the beat you look over and see the other person on the elevator looking at you and their lips are moving. You then take one ear bud out only to discover they have been having a full fledge conversation with you and your only response is..."what? or huh?"

The awkward moment when the gross person in the office (def: the person that doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom, quick to wipe or pick their nose with no tissue etc) decides to bring a dish to the potluck and insist you try it, and you try to come up with every excuse not too.

Then the follow up awkward moment is what that same co-worker busts you at the trash discarding the untouched serving of their dish. (#94)

Here's another one: In the office co-worker tells a totally weird joke about plutonium nitrate (or something eccentric) thinks it's hilarious and you and everyone else stands there with a blank stare at each other because its the farthest thing from funny but you try to fake it, but ends up in a blank stare.

*******AWKWARD MOMENTS AT THE WITH FRIENDS*********

How many of us have been with a group of friends talking etc. Then comes the awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one is listening to you so you just fade your voice to silent.

Awkward moment at the drive-thru: You pull up to a fast food drive thru...study the menu as if you have never ever seen it before in your life...finally you say "uh uh I want uh..." you then recite your three separate orders only to hear the young kid on the other of the speaker talking to someone else then say..yeah can you repeat that.

Here this is one I bet we have all experienced. Picture it: You are approaching a traffic light, uh oh there is a pan handler at the corner with a sign asking for money. So you plot on how to avoid looking at them, but there is that awkward moment when you sit in your car staring straight ahead waiting for the forever red light to turn green so you can peel out of this awkward situation but all the while the pan handler is intensely staring at you.

I have fell victim to the next awkward moment but it happens like this... you are minding

your own business and you get a text from a friend and you think oh hmmm what could this be, you open it up and your face instantly looks like this --> o_O you think or say, "what in the..." You respond back with "uhhh I don't think you meant to send this to me." Your friend responds, "Oh ish oops girl just delete that" You think or if your me you respond with, "Wow how do you take a pic in that position and next time at least take your kids toys out of the picture! LOL"

This last awkward moment is courtesy of @AwkwardTweets on twitter...I thought it was truly hilarious!

The awkward moment when you photograph your child at the zoo, oblivious to what's going on in the background.

Well as usual I say live life and laugh often! Until next time my weirdos! Blog ya later!! Hey feel free to comment and share some of your awkward moments! I'd love to read them and crack up!

Blog from the Sanctity of my Comfy Couch...What Are You Holding on to?

I just had to share this with you all! Hilarious, but at the same time it clearly shows the simpleness of Donald Trump. It's amazing how some people are so dead set on things that don't matter just because they don't like a certain class of people, rather it be race, sex, political party, socio-economic status etc. Just a note to just stop! Agree to disagree on something and focus on things that really matter!

You know what though? In all honesty, we laugh and joke about it but don't we all do this to some extent? Let's be honest with ourselves here. I know I have. Now wait I'm not saying you or I have been judgmental of other as "The Donald" has. I mean we get stuck on something and just can't let go. Then we look back after time has passed like what in the world was I doing spinning my wheels wasting time on something that a) I couldn't change B) Didn't really matter or C) Both A and B. Another scary thought...how many of us are still holding on to something that doesn't matter? Just marinate and think on that! Remember live life and laugh often.

Often things from the past should remain just there! It's hard to move forward always looking back, makes it hard to progress. In a sense treat your past like a phone call "When the past calls, let it go to voice mail. It has nothing new to say." I think as emotional beings its hard for us to wipe the slate clean but for our own sanity we have to, even though that can be a lengthy process. But hey we have to start somewhere...right?

Ok, when I started typing this I had no clue where I was going with this since I have so much squished up in my big ol brain right now. LOL yeah I said big ol brain *blank stare* don't judge me! Hey we've talked about this you judging me issue previously now! LOL.

Moral of this blog...soul search if you are holding on to something that truly doesn't really matter or you really can't change it...do me a favor...no scratch that do YOU a favor! Let it go, move on! Your happiness awaits :) and once you clean the crap out of your heart it will leave room for all the good stuff headed your way!

Ok ya'll well that's my time! I must go prep dinner...what are we having? Oh well aren't you nosy....but lol I am making baked spaghetti with fresh Mozzarella yum right, I know!

Ok well I will leave you with another video from the same dinner from Seth Meyers...lol he ticked the Donald off talking about his hair! LOL

Blog ya later

Blog from my email inbox...

I got these from a friend in email and I was in tears almost laughing! I had to share it with you all!! If these don't crack you up then it's something wrong with you, I'm just saying!

This one makes me go "tee hee hee"

Hmmm only 25, iinteresting LOL

OMG...who knew?! *blank stare*

Wow maybe this is why Hermie died? Who knew he needed water...lol

Oh yeah because prostitution is so close to stopping at a railroad crossing...*blank stare*

This sounds like an employer I know...no comment

Shut up...caskets in a mausoleum..Noooooooooooooooo

**MMMMEEESSSAAAAGGGGEEEEEEEEE**

I'm sorry...bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

*Blank Stare*

...Cree...py...lol

Maybe they should have tazed him? Ok maybe not!

Darn it they blanked the # seems like a good deal!

*BLANK STARE*

**OOOO I've already sent my info in! I'm ready to go**

What is it concrete?

*Blank Stare*

*Thinking* Anyone I know can use this..hmmm...

I guess this is the thinking of home grown Americans....wow!

Well just had to blog this quick funny email. Hope you enjoyed!

Blogging by the Pool Side Adventures!

Well hello there...!

I am just sitting here at my kids' swimming lessons. Its the last week and I have to admit I am a bit glad I must say. "Why is that?" You ask. Well watching my kid learning to swim is a proud moment let me tell you it really is...she is getting good, hey maybe she will be the first awesome black female swimmer! Ok I digress...you want to know swimming class is such an episode. Well let me break it down for you and give you the characters.

First up we have the "Senior Water Aerobic Erotica class"...why in heavens would I call them that you ask? Well here is a snippet of what I see twice a week every week for 8 weeks. Look at this short video and I took and tell me it isn't x-rated! You naughty seniors you! Ok, now after my eyes stop burning from this display of soft porn we shall move on...

Next Character, I like to refer to as..."Senorita Diarrhea of the Mouth"...oh no what could that possibly mean? Oh wow, great question...well, from the time we enter the parking lot this lady is talking til the time we leave...non frigging stop!!!

Every week the entire group of parents are blessed with her wonderful stories and adventures for the week.

Including but not limited too..

-The family Christmas trip to Hawaii

-The Upcoming summer vacation on a

Disney Cruise followed by a week at Disney World

-Her son got bit by a dog...oh NO!

-Neighbors son got into Kindergarten but she swore his birthday was after the allowed cut off & she is going to check into it!

I think collectively as a group all of us hard working non silver spoon fed parents sit silently with a blank stare thinking dear God please strike now.

Then there are the kids who run around like "wild banshees!"

They run around setting off alarms, throwing things around, beating on the vending machines, talking crazy and there parents sit there like they have no clue it's going on.

Yet again all the parents all sit biting our lips with a blank stare...waiting for one of the children of the corn to run by one of us so we might accidently put our foot out and ....oooops *trip* (Lord forgive me that wasn't right but just being honest.)

See, now do you feel my pain?...of course you do!! Always an adventure. However, there is a moral to this story....I just can't remember what that is right now...but hey don't judge me!

Oh yeah, moral of the story, GOT IT...there is always an adventure to be had...why...because people are funny. That's why! So the next time you're out sitting at a doctors office waiting room, restaurant etc just stop to take a look around and take it all in, because don't forget Weird is Normal and hilarious all at the same time! Until next time...ado!

Blog entry in the Land of Latte

Wow! So I have not updated my blog in quite sometime....whoa, horrible me huh? Yeah well, hey don't judge me! HA! Well I am attempting to do what all cool bloggers do..which is pitch camp at a coffee shop, pop open the ol netbook and get to going right? So... *ahem* at Latteland *check*, got my medium white chocolate mocha latte and super huge gourmet sugar cookie *check*, netbook powered up and connected to free wifi *check.* Ok, so I guess that makes me official (yeah i'm fancy)! HA, now that I have walked you through my set up, I've completely drawn a blank! My mind is just spiraling pit of ideas that have just evaded me! UGH! DANG IT!

AHA *thought popped in*, recently I took a picture of a picture, that's right! (again don't judge me) but it really caught me off guard! Captured a great concept/idea.

Ok so tell me you get it? If not its ok, I'll give you my take on it. Sometimes we start off looking on the bright side of life then somewhere along the road we lose site of that for whatever reason and often we go into worry/panic mode. Well at least this is what this simple picture that is playing on an eye exam chart says to me.

Not to go into my whole life story and struggle but I have been through some VERY trying times this past year that a weak person would buckle at easily! I lost site of looking on the bright side and when you do that you end up in a dark place and a negative person. Let me tell you not a good look at all! However, because I am a believer of Christ I know where to go to gain strength, patience and knowledge to get back on track so I did! So in the word of Bobby McFarren (I think that's his name) Don't Worry Be Happy! Well also in my recent bible meditation and reading I was studying on worrying and how that plagues us. I was reading in Matthew 6:34 it reads " Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." This touched me and was an eye opener for me as a believer of Christ to say.. hey, if I say, "God I'll let you handle it." I need to let him, he sure doesn't need my feeble attempt to help him do what he has already done!

Well I know usually I have jokes and that will come BUT alot of people around me are going through storms, big and small. Sometimes we all need a little encouragement and in the word of a great ideologist I know that I will refer to as the great Brigini "sometimes apathy goes along way!" May not mean much to you now but add that into your balance of life a little apathy and then you will totally get it!

Here is one more image I will leave you with...

Not a moment too soon!...This older gentleman at the tall table next to me is killing me playing solitaire on his laptop with all the sounds on...so I'll i've been hearing is the annoyng *Dink dink dink dink..* of him dragging and dropping cards then tada! when he wins! I just want to walk up to him give him the old *blank stare* and say sir #FAIL, now go on home with that! However, that thought has been drowned out by a college aged girl with a horrid lisp (spit city I can see it all the way over here when I look up). She is talking to a friend about another girl in the sorority house. #Gossip/Backstabbing now in progress. LOL, this has been quite the silent adventure. One guy just had an epic fail moment he got his coffee, scone, all cords for his computer pulled out..AHA! so he thought and WHAM no power cord and his laptop is dead as a door knob (*cringe* ooo feel for ya buddy). Nothing like hearing someone cuss themselves out! Pure hilariousness...wait is that a word?...ok, what did I tell you about the judging thing *blank stare.* Ok well blog you guys later...*dink dink* maybe even today *dink dink* see that even you guys hear that stupid solitaire game! Ok, like a burnt out light bulb...Be easy breezies! Stay blessed! I'm out!