You! Yes, You! You Need to Come Here & TRY THIS!

OK, so I am on a roll folks! Posting two blog entries in two days...SHUT UP (figure of speech)

OK, now let's get down to serious business! OK, mybe not, but we will get back to moments of pure silliness.  Now I normally don't share emails but this one was HILARIOUS to me. Why, you ask? Well because I could totally see myself being just like this retired husband.  Hey, who am I kidding I would do some of this stuff now and heck I already have! However it did give me a few ideas! I have added my own commentary inside the asterisks and of course we have to have graphics to make it even more hilarious! Hope this helps lifts your spirits or keeps your already up spirits up...wait did that make sense? Probably not, but you know what so what! HA! you don't like it feel free to call 1-800-WHO-CARES and press 1273940582030488 then wait for the next available rep! Now without further ado here is the email I wants to share that I received from a VERY special person who I will refer to as...*secret agent voice*.... Number..94

THE RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to

Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get

in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves

to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our

store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of

you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are

listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other

people's carts when they weren't looking.   

**Sweet I did this to my mom before, tee hee**

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

**I am guilty of doing this in electronics but I set them to go off after the store was close so the folks opening would come in to plenty o' noise**

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

women's restroom.  **Making notes to do this one**

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to

leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that

in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and

costing the company money.  

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

layaway.  

**Love it I think I will try with twizzlers**

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 

**OMG Not funny but funny**

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children

shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from

the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and

screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.  

**For the record, I would totally do this!**

9 September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror

while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked

the clerk where the antidepressants were.  

**All you can do is shake your head on this one LOL!!**

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the

' Mission Impossible' theme.  

**Yup I have done that while riding in a cart...hey don't judge me!!**

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by

using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'  **NNIIIICCCCEEEEEE**

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed

a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then

yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the

clerks passed out.  **CLASSIC THIS IS A MUST TRY**

This story was hilarious to me.  I love to laugh at myself and not be so serious all the time! It will help your spirit! Try it sometimes! I dare you take one of these things and try it! I bet you will laugh!! OK, as all the famous people say..."Well that's my time! God Bless!!"

Blog ya later, remember keep your head up!

Blog entry from the Drafts...Awkward Moments!

Hello Everyone!! Ok, for some reason this has been the never ending blog post that has remained in draft..."Why?" you ask. Well let's see: couple of days ago...not going to lie started typing and my A.D.D kicked in so there went that attempt-Draft! Let's see,2nd attempt all cozy ready to finish up and publish this blog post and what happens I smmooooooooootttthhhh fell asleep...so my comp auto drafted and went to see along with me! LOL well then today I'm determined right? Right?! Well I'm plugging away pasting in my visuals to give you all the full effect of what I'm trying to get across and what happens....you'll never guess! SO in that case I may as well tell you...here I go tippity typing away on my netbook and almost done and what do I hear..."Hey HONEY, how are ya?!" It was my aunt and uncle from North Carolina. Now I love them to pieces but dang Skype Auto Sign In. They completely took over my netbook, how you ask well like this..."let me talk to your mom, then your grandmother, your uncle"...cheesh and on and on and on until the battery died and then what...you guessed it DRAFT! But without further ado...I'm charged up and chillaxin on my couch ready to share my oh so special thought with you all.

Well I always encourage laughter and find humor in life everyday right? No? Well look I just said it so take that! At anyrate some of you just don't know how to lighten up, take the stick out and see the glass as half full. Well I'm going to go over a few awkward moments that have most likely happened to us all that are always good for a giggle! Some of them are my awkward moments and other I have gotten from friends and twitter friends! So here we go!

**********AWKWARD MOMENTS AT THE OFFICE***********

The awkward moment when you walk in the bathroom at work for example one of your co-workers walks out. You greet them super nice (i.e Hey Shirley how's it going..glad it's Friday) you then walk in the bathroom and realize Shirley has dropped a bomb strong enough to peel paint

OR the awkward moment you finish dropping the kids off at the pool walk out of the stall to see a co-worker with a blank stare on their faces and you have to do the walk of shame to the sink to wash your hands. (This awkward moment is courtesy of #94)

Then there is the awkward moment when you hop on an elevator with earphones on full blast and in the midst of you bobbing your head to the beat you look over and see the other person on the elevator looking at you and their lips are moving. You then take one ear bud out only to discover they have been having a full fledge conversation with you and your only response is..."what? or huh?"

The awkward moment when the gross person in the office (def: the person that doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom, quick to wipe or pick their nose with no tissue etc) decides to bring a dish to the potluck and insist you try it, and you try to come up with every excuse not too.

Then the follow up awkward moment is what that same co-worker busts you at the trash discarding the untouched serving of their dish. (#94)

Here's another one: In the office co-worker tells a totally weird joke about plutonium nitrate (or something eccentric) thinks it's hilarious and you and everyone else stands there with a blank stare at each other because its the farthest thing from funny but you try to fake it, but ends up in a blank stare.

*******AWKWARD MOMENTS AT THE WITH FRIENDS*********

How many of us have been with a group of friends talking etc. Then comes the awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one is listening to you so you just fade your voice to silent.

Awkward moment at the drive-thru: You pull up to a fast food drive thru...study the menu as if you have never ever seen it before in your life...finally you say "uh uh I want uh..." you then recite your three separate orders only to hear the young kid on the other of the speaker talking to someone else then say..yeah can you repeat that.

Here this is one I bet we have all experienced. Picture it: You are approaching a traffic light, uh oh there is a pan handler at the corner with a sign asking for money. So you plot on how to avoid looking at them, but there is that awkward moment when you sit in your car staring straight ahead waiting for the forever red light to turn green so you can peel out of this awkward situation but all the while the pan handler is intensely staring at you.

I have fell victim to the next awkward moment but it happens like this... you are minding

your own business and you get a text from a friend and you think oh hmmm what could this be, you open it up and your face instantly looks like this --> o_O you think or say, "what in the..." You respond back with "uhhh I don't think you meant to send this to me." Your friend responds, "Oh ish oops girl just delete that" You think or if your me you respond with, "Wow how do you take a pic in that position and next time at least take your kids toys out of the picture! LOL"

This last awkward moment is courtesy of @AwkwardTweets on twitter...I thought it was truly hilarious!

The awkward moment when you photograph your child at the zoo, oblivious to what's going on in the background.

Well as usual I say live life and laugh often! Until next time my weirdos! Blog ya later!! Hey feel free to comment and share some of your awkward moments! I'd love to read them and crack up!

A Weird is Normal Poetic Moment

Well the first few blogs came with humor and a message. This one comes the same way buuuuuttt not with as much humor but still a message. This entry is more heart felt. Sometimes I get deep in thought and reflection. Often about life, love and what God has in store for me. Often times we struggle mentally and emotionally with those things. I use poetry as an outlet for these things. Now I am no Maya Angelou but decided to share my poetic thoughts. Just decided to post a couple of poems that I wrote from the heart a few years ago (but they still prove true today). One of them is titled I laugh to keep from cryinig which is how I came up with my blog name. Well here goes. I hope you enjoy....

Laugh 2 Keep from Crying

I'm trying so hard to do what's right,

beaten down like I've been in a fight,

but you could never tell...

I'm going through hell

so many obligations and so many resctrictions

but it's ok I'll get over my conflictions

when you see me I'm silly, laughing and joking

but let me let you in on a secret...

I laugh to keep from crying

I've been through family and friends dying

spouse and good friends lying

making myself a success...

I'm really trying

but I just pray

and I just laugh to keep from crying

I'm struggling to stay up

because people and this world are so corrupt

I'm making ends meet

and we'll end up on our feet

God may let me bend yet never break

He won't put more on me than I can take...

I have that faith but when it gets hard
I just keep my head up and...

Laugh to keep from crying.

Mind Complexities

When you look in my mind, whatever you seek, I hope you find,

Be careful, my ming will engulf, tantalite and confuse you,

Have you in a daze no clue what to do, have you zonin' out,

Wonderin' what this life is all about, enter my cranial flow,
You sure you wanna go? Once you enter your mind will blow,

Like a harsh wind during a thunderstorm,

But don't look surprised because you were warned,

Told all of this ahead of time that when you enter my thoughts

they will blow your mind, deep unclear juxtaposed thoughts,

Contemplating one another, but I know my love for God and none other,

The one I chose, my heart lye's with, never once have I played tricks,

I ignite minds with my heart and soul, these things I must unfold,

Not looking for pampering and charity, but instead providing clarity,

Never realized I could flow with such cluster of words,

Dropping emotions in ways never thought of or heard,

That's because it's the speech of the soul, the language of the heart,

A new communication I'm gunna start, well not me,

The language has lingered and lived an eternity,

Allowing my emotions to soar, foolishness no more,

Pure in my mind down to my core,

Good sensations bring fascination with my interpretation, of love,

Which can bring things to the mind never thought of, bad thoughts I leave,

Now in my cerebrum you have traveled, now entwined,

Can you unravel, out of my mind? our of the mental dimensions of me,

To escape back to reality.

Until next time...Thanks for stopping by and I hope ya'll come back nah! Ya hear!?