Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Latest Dumb Revolution... The Side Chick Revolution

Hey all,
It’s been a while I know but you know we always go through this song and dance. I know by now you all don’t judge me for that. I have been honestly avoiding all writings on the computer or even in my journal. Well sometimes I think when I want to blog about stuff will you guys even really care or not.  I don’t know I think it was like my own subconscious protest of not dealing with some things but eh I digress.

Yeah well regardless of that I’m here.  Hope everyone had an AWESOME holiday season and a good new year. If you are reading this congrats you made it to 2014.

Now I want to address something that has utterly irked me.  This "Side Chick Movement."

Let’s jump back in time for a minute. 

Since as long as we can remember there have been mistresses and unfaithful partners. Now I can’t speak back to the days of Marilyn Monroe and how that all played out when she was a mistress but one thing that has irked me beyond belief is that today  (2014)  being a “mistress” or “other woman” is glorified.

Is this a new concept? Well of course not!

HOWEVER, now it’s like the “in” thing and it’s pushed on us as acceptable to be the new age “Side Chick.”
We see celebrities who have been exposed as side chicks who have broken up marriages. Now of course those celebrities have the same excuses as the average side chick they are no different.  They say things like “I couldn't take him if he wasn't ready to go” or “that’s on him not me, not my problem.”  etc, that's crap you are both as wrong as two left shoes!!

I’m sorry what the hell kind of retarded thinking is that?!

Talk about lack of respect for yourself. I guess I would hope you would love yourself enough to know you deserve a whole man not a piece of someone else’s. Why would you even want that for yourself? There are enough single men without you going for one that’s involved.

Now that it has become such a glorified deal Hollywood is cashing in on it with shows like Scandal, Being Mary Jane, where these successful women who seem strong fall super weak in the relationship category by taking the side chick seat to married men. 

Also, music makes it the cool thing to do. Songs about side chicks and faithful ones at that. They demean us and we seem to be OK with that.  Just listen to this song below. This song talks about he takes care of his side chick and his wife knows about her etc.  Side chicks are basically OK with sharing and can be bought. I don't know about you but nothing about this or this song is cute to me.  This isn't the first song about the side chicks they date back and are in all genres. Sugarland has a song called Stay, Shirley Murdock back in the 80's had As We Lay, about a woman who knew she was with someone else's man but she had him for that one night and she was emotional about it.  This is not a new problem but now is no longer seen as a problem but not it's seen as the "cool and acceptable" thing.

Now I know there are some situations that take place where one may not be aware she is a side chick. I’m not referring to that group but I will say this… in some instances YOU ALL KNOW!!! STOP being blind all the signs are there that you are a side piece but you insist that he loves you etc. C’mon WAKE UP!!

Then there are the some women that seek out married men that way they don’t have to be committed and get them to take care of them financially and buy them things etc…. ok *PAUSE*
Ladies, are we only worth what someone can buy us? Are we so desperate for love that we will lure another woman’s man into our bed? Is our self-respect so low that we will forego being seen in public, spending holidays etc  because he is married?!

Meanwhile, let me let you in on something men are loving it!! They have jokes for days.  Not all of them but a lot of them are LOVING every minute of it. in this day and age they can have an eager side chick that will sleep with them and in some cases take care of them financially and shower them with gifts but always stay in her place.  On the side quiet as a mouse. Just thinking about it blows me away.  BLOWS ME AWAY.

Then there is the one who has really fallen for the taken man. You are patiently waiting for him to leave his wife or significant other for you. You are all faithful to him, and then get upset when you find out there is another side chick and that he isn't being faithful to you.

WELL DAMN hello he isn't being faithful to his WIFE or Girlfriend.  This is I think one of the worst case of unhealthy delusion.  Well let’s entertain this for a second…he leaves her for you.  Now you cannot tell me that you are secure with him. You know what he is capable of so then you become captain insecurity which isn't healthy at all. Hey just look at Fantasia. There are a few cases that seem to have worked out but that is what we see on the outside, but why even go through all that unnecessarily.
Also, let me address this as well. Is it all our fault and men have no part in it. NOPE, not saying that at all but right now I am only speaking for my own gender. Speaking to my sisters no matter the age, color etc. I know we can do better, I know we can want better, I know we deserve better. 


There are signs that you must pay attention to when you are dating someone that will tell you if they are trying to put you on the side chick team. 
  • He hits you with the “I need my time and space”, this leaves the door open to come and go as he pleases.  He will expect you to wait in the wings. If not, you will be dismissed as being to clingy, pushy etc. If this happens, count it as a blessing that you dodged a bullet and move on.
  • When you call you get sent to voice mail instantly. This is going to be in a time-frame when you know he is most likely available, not while you know he is working or something of that nature.  You may get an instant follow up text saying “can’t talk now, call you later.” Now do people get busy, of course! This is example is for extreme cases meaning this happens more often than not. Just pay attention.

Here are some other indicators as blogged by

His phone is usually uncharged, about to die or out of service 
If 90% of the time you call him it goes straight to voicemail, you’re the side chick. This correlates to his phone never ringing. He could be with someone else at the time and can’t pick up the phone to talk to you, so he turns it off. No one carries around a dead phone all the time.

His compliments are focused around physical appearance
If the only nice things he has to say about you is centered around the way you look or your performance, you’re the sexy side chick. This guy is obviously only into you for your body. Most people think that guys are one track minded, so compliments only surrounding sex, make sense. But the truth is that we actually think about other stuff too. So if you say something somewhat intelligent and his reply is, “Your lips are so cute” chances are you’re not the chick that he listens to.

Dates are never last minute
If ALL your dates are planned at least a week in advanced, he has other chicks on his schedule. He probably sets aside a day just for his side chicks. If you’re not already in the books for that day on the current week, he makes you wait until the following week, before he’s “free” again.

Dates are closer to your home/work than his
If you’ve never been out to a place that’s in the vicinity of his job or home, you’re the side chick. He never takes you to those places because he doesn’t want to risk the chance of running into something that may know about his other chick(s). Next time you go out with him, suggest a place near his home and see he what says.

He’s never disappointed angry upset when you cancel on him
If he could care less whether he sees you are not, you’re the side chick. Things come up all the time and you may have to cancel a date with him. If he is too cool about not seeing you, he definitely has someone else to occupy his time.  blogs a list of traits as well, some of the following which I find to be accurate.

He tells you that he doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day or really do holidays. In some instances this may be true but more often than not, A LIE.

He has absolutely NO pictures of you, or with you, on his Facebook or Instagram page. If someone can go to your social profile and see a variety of pics of you with him, and go to his page and find only his selfies and bro pics, then know for sure that he doesn’t have you listed as his first priority.  Now my caveat to this  one is really only accurate if a person is active on social media some people really are not, however again keep an eye out but don’t be a stalker just pay attention and observe.

There are no dates….you only visit his bedroom and go home. Let me add or he comes and chills at your place.

He only contacts you when he wants something.

@JoannaSimkin on twitter tweets you may be a side chick if he says:

“It’s not that I don’t want people to know about us, I just don’t like my personal business in the streets is all.”

Now after all that if you still are not sure if you are side chick here is another link that may help:

Ladies, we are STRONG, we are FIERCE. Let me leave you with a question.

At what point does this stop? Or does it? At what point do we feel we are worth more?

Demand respect!
Yup, that's me
This is just my opinion on the subject and I could on and on but just wanted to let that all out and see what you all think. Feel free to chime in.

Blog ya later!


  1. Good blog. Relationships are tough period. Then to deal with the side chick or Jody makes it almost impossible at times. Boils down to choice and respect for yourself, your mate, and the other person. Mtume's You, Me, and He comes to mind.

    1. Yes, the side person guy or girl has it easier to leave a relationship or go outside moreso than stick it out through tough times and grow. Those days of working through things may be behind us. We are in an era of convenience imo. We don't like doing things that are difficult.