Monday, April 22, 2013

New Age Dating Controversy..Hang Out or Not to Hang Out

Hey there guys! How are ya?! I sure hope everything is going well in your worlds.
You thought it would be another 6 months before I blogged didn't you? AHA well ha ha look at me.  Ok, well enough shooting the breeze just wanted to get some stuff off my chest or at least post about it and open this up for discussion.  I had a discussion with some of my G+ friends regarding the topic I am about to address. This blog is just me getting my thoughts out and maybe gaining some insight from you all, if you actually decide to comment! *hint hint*

Ok so if you have read any of my previous blogs you know about my adventures in dating. Well now, let me take that back it's been around but become more IN MY FACE it's the subject of, wait for iiiiittttttttt...Dating vs. Hanging Out.

Ok now once upon a time I thought the two to be the same thing if you just met the person.  Animated Gif on Giphy

Well apparently that is no longer the case.  Now guys apparently just want to hang out vs go on a date.  What this usually means in my recent experiences is they...

A) Want you to come "hang out" with them at their place.
B) Want to come "hang out" at your place.
C) Go out but we are dutch and essentially are new "friends" (but they expect "benefits")

Umm well ok.  Now, I get the "go out with someone with no strings attached stance" because well we are getting to know one another, GOT IT. That is perfectly fine and expected! However, I guess my issues are well frankly, "I DON'T KNOW YOU!!"

What makes you think I am just going to come over to your house?! You know how many crazy people there are these days?!... and that goes for you coming to my place too.  Also, what that says is YOU'RE LAZY and maybe even CHEAP (and that's saying a lot coming from penny pinching me) and perhaps are only after one thing and I can tell ya now...AIN'T HAPPENIN!!

Now am I a saint?  NO,  but I do have some standards. After all we just met, right?  Now as far as (C) going out and going dutch...honestly, I have no issues with that.  Because if we "hang out" and there is nothing there I don't feel obligated in the least to when I am done eating or drinking that cup of coffee, I can say thanks for your time and move on along.  There will be no benefits though, let me clarify there will be no benefits regardless. Now with this said my expectations for you would now be pretty low. 

I am by no means a gold digger etc.  However, if  someone asks me out on a date it holds a lot more weight with me. It says to me,  hey I like you I want to get to know you and I have designated this time to spend with you and I have put some effort in to thinking of a time, place and activity for us to do together.  That by no means in my mind means we are about to get serious.  It just says to me, Toya this person thinks you are worth the effort and the interest is real. Versus the lazy invitation to come "chill at their place and watch a movie." Don't get me wrong been there done and ehh learned from it.  That is whack.  I guess I am in a place of now take time and effort and not settle for that laziness at first meetings.

I have been made to feel that my thinking is "old fashioned" and "outdated" one word...Really?! Really?! In fact, is wanting a guy to put forth an effort me being old fashioned and having too high standards? Oh, man!! I'm doomed!! 
Now are there instances where you would hang out (in a group, sporting event etc)? Yes, but I am speaking to that first one on one meeting with that person since that initial meeting and exchange of phone numbers be it in person, online or whatever. I have read several articles and blogs regarding hanging out vs. dating.  Some say it's a matter of terms, other say it's all about how the guy feels about girl. 

So many hidden meanings, so much... crap frankly.  Are guys afraid to go out on a limb and date someone for fear of rejection? Are they just trying to build up a bank of booty calls...I mean what is it?  When I hang out I do so with my friends...but if I hang out in the same fashion with a new guy. Odds are he will think well geez she put no effort forth at all and I was not the center of attention when I was with her, so she must not be interested. Then my response will be wait, what? We are hanging out as friends no expectations right? So you won't mind that I send texts, or answer phones calls etc while we are hanging out right, meet you straight dressed down? Well I mean that is what I do with my friends when we hang out. So which is it? 

What do you guys think? I'm somewhat at a loss here. Is hanging out different than dating? If so, how? If you disagree or have a different understanding of the two please enlighten me. Ok, well I just wanted to get that out and see what you guys think...let me know I'll be interested in reading your comments. 
Is my thinking old fashioned and outdated?

Well talk to you guys later I hope to hear from you guys on this topic...

Have a good week :)


  1. You are correct toya. But sometimes someone can invite you to "hang out" but graciously offer to pay for said activity or drink or whatever and then that's when it gets tricky lol. But I agree. "hang out" isn't worth the. "dating effort" and shouldn't unless the man makes his intentions known :-)

  2. I'm curious to know what men think. IMO if a man is interested, he will make the effort that you are expecting. As for "hanging out" as you do with friends, I agree with your frame of thinking. Dress down, talk on the phone, etc.should all be acceptable. Why should I get all dolled up if we are just "hanging out?"

  3. Apparently your expectations and his were different when you guys exchanged numbers. Since you both were physically attracted to each other, the "order" of your expectations were different. He may have seen sex and companionship where you may have seen companionship and then sex. Relationship (dating) vs physical needs (hanging out) may be another way of looking at it. Both dating and hanging out fill a void. I believe one can lead to the other. Just got to get on the same page of the book. If that don't work, get a new book that's easier to understand. ;)

  4. Glad I'm not alone in my thinking ladies. Jeff good point but based on conversations we have had I'm always up front as to what kind of "book" I read from lol just strikes me as lazy. Like expect something for nothing but sadly in this day and age its like that because a lot of women are totally OK with it. :/

  5. I'm with you Toya. Hanging out & dating r 2 completely different things & 1 shouldn't be used as the other. But it's been my experience, hanging out to guys & girls have different meanings & expectations need to be said as soon as that invite comes up & go from there.

  6. MY IDEAL Hangout → Date → Relationship

    You don't HANGOUT at someones house you DATE at someones house. Hanging out is spontaneous, simple and informal, dates take time, planning and i agree some creativity and are more formal. Hanging out should have dutch implications because there is zero obligation other than to get to really know one another. Dating at the very least requires your obligation of time. Hanging out yes dress down, text, talk all that is allowed and if people want otherwise ppl will ask for the formalities of a date. Date, yes obligation of time put some effort into how you look and no phones unless its fam.

    Hangout= Game at a resturant / bar, coffee etc. Ive even hungout while grocery shopping. Its just something to let the person know that you are thinking about them and want to see them for a lil IF its convenient at the time.
    Date= Dinner, Movies, Events etc but i feel it requires your full attention and your obligated time.