Adventures on a Dating Site

Hello my lovely readers...you are looking mighty fine!

OK so I thought I would experiment on a pretty well known dating website (which shall remain nameless).  A friend of mine met her beau on the site and suggested I give it a shot.  Well me being the wild rebel I am I thought..."eh what hey."


So the results of this experiment have been a lot things, humorous, weird, interesting oh did I mention humorous.  I am saying all this and you are reading, "like well dang it Toya tell us what happened.  What have you come across?"

Well calm down, I'll get to it but first let me kinda tell you how this thing goes in case you have never been on an online dating site or ever looked at one.  First, you create an account of course and from there you fill out some demographic information along with your basic likes and preferences etc.  You then upload your pictures and include a short bio about yourself.

Once you do all that you have an option of completing a more extensive personality assessment for the site to give you more compatible matches (*I'm snickering right now*).  OK yeah I didn't do the extra hour long assessment..yeah no thanks!

Let's see *cracks knuckles* let me see, where to begin...well once I was all set up. I got a mass amount of emails from various daters who were interested in my profile.  Ok, first of all I wasn't even on the site an hour and I had like 11 emails.

From those interested, I learned a few things...main thing is...THEY DIDN'T READ MY PROFILE. Yes, sorry I was yelling. On my profile I listed my hobbies, things important to me all that jazz along with my demographic information.


Well bachelor #1's first question was "Hey Sexy, you look hella good, how old are you?" umm ok folks (my face is like o_O) ... first that introduction, secondly how old am I? That's like the first thing listed under your username! So guess what he got...I'll tell you...no response, that's what!










Bachelor #2 In my profile I clearly listed I prefer guys within a certain age range. Welp, another NON READER...this guy looked like he was old enough to be my grandfather only Caucasian and looks like he goes Harley Riding with ZZ TOP.  Now while he was polite he clearly didn't read the ages listed in which he clearly was not in the range of.








Bachelor #3 He decides to type to me like this... "hEy BeAuTiFuL hOw iZ u DoIn" ummm yeah no words for that.... I was mad his message gave me a mini damn migraine so I just deleted it and moved on.





Bachelor #4  (Ok please note...this is a true story) He was nice and all but after we exchanged messages back and forth for oh about 4 cycles (him, me, him, me, him) He decided to say and I quote "I love ass, I mean really love it, everything about it the smell the look the taste, I love to eat ass!"
Ummm yeah ok yeah I know close your mouth! I was like that too thinking "WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT" anyways I guess he thought I would be somehow responsive to that.
Well folks...couple issues with that, *ahem* first of all why would you tell me that after like a 2 min conversation.
Secondly, even if I found that out later on...one word, EWWWWWW.  Ol boo boo chip mouth boy.  That would mess up a relationship I'm telling you! How, well everytime you kiss him you think his face has been planted inside someones butt cheeks and eating boo boo chips...that's a big fat fail...NNNNEEEXXXXTTTTTTTT!!!
                                                         

Those are just a few examples oh how I can go on! But I will now go over some common pit falls to avoid when looking around on dating sites.  Here are things to look for...men and women!

• FAKE PICTURES! Beware, they will Photoshop pictures.  Make themselves have abs that are not there. Make themselves thinner than what they are. Make themselves have hair lol

                                                        

• Far away pictures...ok far away pictures most likely mean they don't want you to see something orrrrrrr let's be honest they are less than attractive
• Fake Facades: pictures of people with their prize possessions (car, motorcycles, purses, make up etc)...the pictures of them holding money always cracks me up!

                                                         

• People lie! Just a fact of life. A person will say their build is 'average or athletic build' well when you see a real life pic or them in real life they are one Twinkie away from obesity

                                                                  

• Some will say they are single and they are not.
• Some will say they don't have children and they do.
• They have this fabulous job when in fact they don't have one at all or not one as glorified as they claim.
• People who have photos up from 2002...umm hello it's almost 2013
• One that cracks me up is when they take these picture they swear are sexy but they turn out to be a failure in every since of the word.

Now fear not it's not all bad, but there are a lot of yahoo's to watch out for.  One thing I will say is just take your time. Take it slow and listen and pay attention to  the conversation.  Read between the lines sometimes.

As for me, I have met some nice folks on the site but for one reason or another mainly I think on my part they fall into the friend zone.  I am the first to admit...
                                                         

Hey there don't go judging me.

OOoooooh look at the time...gotta run!

Blog ya later!

                                                               

Friends, Love and the Election...Randomness!

Well hello again...nice to see you again. My you are looking well! What, you have a problem with my niceness then fine, I'll just say you look like hell! Is that better Mr/Ms. Pessimistic, lol just kidding but it is good to see you again.

I have been scattered brained again about what exactly I want to talk to you folks about...let's see, friends, love, the election.  Ehhhhh...nah I don't think any of those, yet at the same time all of those.  Have you ever just battled with yourself internally...well I do it on a constant basis and I tell you what I am one tough cookie!

I refuse to give up and I refuse to give and sometimes you have too! I refuse to let people dictate what I can and can't do...that makes me an angry rebel black sheep, I call it passionate for change.

I recently had a good friend of mine (shout out #TeamTurtle) tell me when it comes to love "you are just too picky" my response was you may be right.  He says "It's like you subconsciously look for stuff to discount folks and if you don't let down your defenses no one will ever be good enough."  Well of course rebel me was like "WHATEVER BUDDY" but real me was like "yeah I know I really need to be more conscious of that."

Moving on along...friends well I don't have many I really call friends yet the ones I do that are active are awesome! Shout out to you guys...I thank you for setting me straight when I am all over the place, being that shoulder to cry on when I need it as well as that ear to listen. I was a bit down and often envious of folks who had these undying long lasting friendships (I remember when I had those).  I wanted that but you know what God gives us what we need.  Strangely enough I was whining about not having any friends to a couple of friends! WTH?!  How insensitive of me, after I thought back on it! They are awesome friends and they must have  felt like chop suey hearing me whining and saying I don't have any friends....I'm sorry you guys even when you tick me off.  I LOVE YOU!!! (*side note* As I type my friend is sitting here randomly singing lyrics off key as all hell it's hilarious*)

You know we don't tell people we love them as much as we should then if something where to happen you are ready to throw yourself in moving traffic because you never told them how you felt about them or how much they have influenced your life etc.   So make sure you tell the ones you care about that you do care about them and what impact they have had on your life.  It would mean the world to them, I know it would mean to the world to me if I heard that.

Ok moving on along...the election...President Barack Obama will stay the president for 4 more year.... Get over it, move on, it is what it is!!

This blog is totally scattered and random and you know what...one word...WHATEVER lol anyways

Blog ya laters...

Another Day at the Gym...

Well as promised here I am again…happy to see me? Well I’m happy you decided to check in on little ol me.  So as I was telling you all I have been back hitting the gym pretty hard I go at least 4 times a week.  Twice I week I go to a gym right next door to my job and two days a week I go to a gym near my home.  The two gyms while similar are different as well in their own regard.  The characteristics that we talked about before are still around…however, now being an avid goer I have noticed other gym characters.

Stinker…ok so we discussed this before the musty and overly funky guys. The ones that probably stank to high hell before they even came into the gym. Well ALAS they have been matched there are WOMEN who smell like grown funky men! NOW I know what you’re thinking what do you expect it’s a gym people are going to be stinky.  OK please know I get that and I understand…I feel you.  I'm sure when I am there I don’t smell like a bed of roses but, PLEASE NOTE and please hear what I’m saying here and feel my pain…there is no way I should be running on the treadmill and you are a row back and two machines over and I can smell your funky tail! C’mon you can’t tell me that isn’t crazy and again THIS IS A WOMAN (true story at the work gym). Even the guys cringe like geez.  I really think she needs to get checked out by her primary care physician. I’m just saying that’s crazy!

Puddle Leaver…

Now if you visit a gym sometimes or on a regular basis you know that it is courteous to wipe down the equipment when you are done.  So if I get done with a weight machines, bike or treadmill etc then I should either

 A) Wipe it down with my towel OR 

B) Use the cleaner the gym has to wipe the equipment off for the next person to use.

Well yeah I guess I come across the ones who were horrible at following directions as a kid…because I get to some machines and the small pools of sweat left behind…yeah not that's not hot! Do you want to hear something really crazy…well at the other gym by work well the same lady stinky is horrible at this! She doesn’t wipe anything off and BAM we know everywhere she has been. Baptized in the funk I tell ya! So when you guys go please wipe the stuff off!

I’m sure you all have seen the Beauty Queen/Poser this would be the one who comes in the gym with full make up on and hair down or all done up. Ok, now if that’s what you choose to do on purpose to come to the gym that’s fine but if you are working out all that crap is going to begin to run all down in your eyes and just have you looking like your melting.

You also have the poser…I just started seeing this recently myself but not really much before….woman all in the mirror at the gym like…

 What are you doing? You're supposed to be working out lol. Ladies, you know what, actually fella’s do it too thus they show up on your Facebook pages except they don’t be in  the mirror posting with duck faces…..

Ladies please stop or not and I can keep laughing! LOL

Ok the let me get off the characteristics for just a second (we will come back to it I promise)…but I have to cover the subject of gym equipment and weight. An important part of gym etiquette at least in my book is when you are done with a weight machine you should take the pin out or remove the weight.  I mean I know I’m bufft and all LOL but yeah when I get on a machine and go to do an exercise odds are I can’t handle the 2,000 lbs you guys left on. That one isn't that big a deal unless you are using a free weight machine then it's rather annoying.

Ok moving on along something else that I see that frankly cracks me up is…is…sorry I was giggling. Ok ok let me get it together…

People, when you are new to the whole workout thing please learn how to properly use the equipment otherwise everyone quietly laughs at you…you won’t see us but we snicker and it comes out typically with just a smile and bless their hearts. They are as serious as a heart attack. I saw a guy on this glute machine that looks like this…

OK  when you get on the machine your stomach/chest should be at the pad and you push back to work your glutes like so….

Well, bless his heart lol this guy decided to put his back on the pad and try to push with his foot facing the other way.  Well he couldn't really do it because it wasn't made to do that, he was sweating up a storm and about to dislocate his knee. I was watching from a chest press machine trying not to bust out laughing.  I gained my composure and just walked over and pointed to the picture on the machine. 

*side note* normally all work out equipment in the gym as a graphic of some sort to show you how to work that particular piece of equipment. 

He then just looked at me and I walked off with music blasting in my ears and headed to another machine.

In the same breath as it relates to using weights in the gym…If you can do like 200 reps of something in like 30 seconds odd it’s too light and you need to add more weight! This guy walks by me grinning like I’m supposed to be impressed (I wasn't thinking about him I was getting my work out on) anyways he goes over to do lat pulls like you see below…

 I swear the weight I used is more than that…and he grabbed the bar and no joke did like turbo reps and warp speed…I’m like that can’t possibly be doing anything geez buddy, I know sometimes you can go lighter weight and more reps but that was such a waste of time. Then he looks back and me and smiles and I just had a look like o_O , I have to be honest I usually see more women doing this then men.

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see here:

…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket. Let me be honest. I laughed out loud at him,  don’t judge me! He looked over at me and I coughed and played it off. 

OK one more funny weight story then we will move on and I will wrap up…I promise…I just missed telling you guys these stories.  So couple days ago this guy hops on the hammer ab machine this machine you sit in and you pull down while pulling your knees up to work your abs (pictured above). Well this machine honestly is a beast, its difficult.  I’ll be the first to admit but ill also be the first to admit that I don’t get on there and throw on 1000 lbs either.  This guy gets on this machine and has too much weight.  By that I mean I am on the leg press machine next to him in between songs I hear him grunting and blowing all hard yet nothing was moving…his face was all red and shaky.  I’m like dude just lighten the friggin weight but he was really straining it was quite hilarious. Sorry but it's true.

                                                                

On the other side of things having too much weight. You have to push yourself…ok I get that but not to the point that  you hurt yourself. Or the weight is pulling you around.  This poor guy was using this pull down machine like you see below…it’s not funny but it is lol..he had so much weight he had to stand up and almost swing to pull the weight down…well when he goes to go up with the rep before pulling it back down…the weight pulled him up out of his seat and almost ripped his arms out the socket.

Ok back to some other gym characters…oh man I could on go and on…but let me tell you about the Clingers.  Ok if you go to the gym and haven’t seen them next time you go you will see at least one I promise. It's like the new thing….to see the incline on the treadmill to aimed to Heaven and watch folks hold on for dear life trying not to fall off. It’s one of the funniest people watching characters at the gym. They are working those calves but most are slumped over clinging to the rails while trying to read a magazine! BWhahahahahahahaha c’mon if this is you stop! You look ridiculous!

Right way:

Wrong Way:

Ok, OK I will wrap it up there folks but as I go to the gym I will have to come home and just shoot you guys a quick blog to give you a laugh. OH wait before  I go….I forgot one…the folks who go to the gym in regular jeans and shirts.  You  think  yeah right no way! I’m telling you they exist and man do they stick out like a sore thumb to see a guy in jeans and a button up lifting weights or on the stationary bike…

it will make you question what you’re seeing.

Well hopefully I haven’t bored you to tears but gave you some things to look for and find humor in when you go to the gym. Blog ya later

I'm bbbaaaaaaccckkkkkkk

Well, well, well here so we meet again (I just pronounced it while typing A Gain in my English accent…) oh at any rate…

How the hell are ya?!
How have you been…do tell!
I really will read how you have been in comments…I promise. I hope you all have been super awesome!

Anyways, well let’s see your wondering where I have been and why have I been M.I.A…oooooooor maybe not; just ran across my blog like yeah what is this? Well if you were wondering I have just been a little procrastinator and didn't think anyone really wanted to read what I had to say… then I logged on and saw I had 10k plus hits and was thinking well someone likes me.

Face it we all like to feel liked! If you say you don’t care, you’re lying.

Now, if this is your first time here…WELCOME. Have a seat and hope you enjoy!

Perhaps after reading my last blog post you think I rode off into my happily ever after in love and stuff… YEA NO! Didn't happen…all I will say is that getting “to know you” stage is crucial and sometimes when you get to know a person you realize not only are you not on the same page, but you’re not even in the same book or the same bookstore for that matter.


Hey no heart feelings but I had to keep it moving.

My ankle surgery was a success I believe I mentioned that to you all…I have a pretty gnarly Frankenstein looking scar as the lady at the gym referred to it. I have bounced back…not quite 100% as in jumping but running etc and even began wearing heels a little. Ok, so enough about that snoozeville stuff!

I just wanted to make a quick entry to say hey and let you know that more craziness is coming back! Since I have been hitting the gym 4 days a week I have witnessed a lot more!

I'll have to share it with you all…not to mention the dating game. Which by the ways sucks some of the males I have come across…whoa buddy! Funny but not funny..psshhhh ok let me stop funny!
Ok ok let me go so I can start on the blog to tell you guys about crazy personalities I have now come across at the gym. We will talk about it all and then some. I promise. Glad to be back...I must give Kudos for my friend Kim Barnes who inspired me to get back on it! Kim's Bama blog is hilarious yet very true as well it can be found on my blog links its called the Bama Blog.

K,Blog ya later

Update coming 10.12.12

Without further ado... GUESS WHOSE BACK?! 

We have lots of things to catch up on and discuss!!

STAY TUNED!!

I know I Haven't blogged in 4 months but...

Wellllllll hello there...long time no read huh?
I know I know and before you guys go judging me just know I have had alot going on...haven't been focused on being able to sit still and blog.  Two words...my bad. Ok now that we have gotten all that out of the way...I bet you want to know what exciting topic has inspired me to blog. Well nothing in particular I need to get back into the swing of things...I will update my facebook status to something and think hmmm that would make an awesome blog topic. Then what do I do yup you guessed move on and forget.
Well I guess i'll give you a quick cliff notes version of what I have been up too the past few months...*Cracks knuckles*
Let's see I last blogged in December so lets pick up with the new year...

Flash back to January...

This was a mellow month then about half way through my angel in my life my grandmother, Marie Brown passed away Febuary 1.

I never imagined life without her such a rock in my life but its bitter sweet.  I want here with me but in the same breath I know she is in a much better place and if I don't have to worry about anyone going to Heaven its her.
This was a time for reflection to realize how important family and friends are. Also, to really know when you leave this Earth what impression are you leaving behind...that of greatness or mess? I choose greatness just like her! She was the best example of a non judgemental Christian ever! To know her was to love her.
Also, in January found out  a couple of my besties were pregnant! I'll be excited with those babies get here so I can go visit and steal baby cheeks and kisses.

February was mainly consumed by that..I have also this year started working out even more than I used too...its become the best stress reliever for me! I started the Insanity program,  It is super intense if you don't know what it is and you need a good workout I recommend it....www.insanity.com.  I also have been hitting the gym and playing my usual sports...
Oh so your reading this yeah yeah pick it up huh your used to me making you laugh not making you sad...I know I know...ok, ok





Well let's see...

I've had a couple inquires about what happened to ol #94 well I'm happy to report that ol #94 is doing just fine and is happily involved in a relationship. I am very happy for him.  He really deserves that happiness. We are still friends and that's what we are best at :)
No no don't act like aww man. It's a good thing,  Everything isn't for everybody and it was totally for the best at least as far as I am concerned. I may get an invite to his wedding, that'd be awesome. :)
Alright enough about #94 so your thinking well what about you?! Well what about me? ok ok enough with the beating around the bush...well I have been busy being swept off my feet. Yeah from previous posts you know that has not been an easy thing for the ninja is what I shall call him :) it's like he came out of no where!
It's strange how God works he always seems to give us what we need when we need it.  He just kinda snuck up on me but he is so awesome! Keeps me smiling, feeling special and always keeps it genuine and is very patient.  Even critiques me and gets on me when I'm wrong...pssshhh yeah like i'm ever wrong...just kidding! We have grown so close that honestly folks, I say to you...its scary, haven't felt this way in a lllloooooooooonnnnngggggggg time.  I just have to relax and enjoy the journey and see where it leads us.

What a lil taste of happiness looks like :) Thank you ninja! lol

Well that completes my update! OO OO before I forget...ill be having ankle surgery in June so I will be all laid up so guess who will be blogging like a crazy person!

Stay tuned I promise...I have a bunch of good stuff stewing in this disturbed brain oh mine! Until then peace!